Euro English

expat · 07-11-2005, 13:30

Euro EnglishEuro English.txt

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.

The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl

Bad-Wolf · 07-11-2005, 16:04

Sounds like another good reason to leave the EU to me!

jambutty · 07-11-2005, 16:22

Ve haf vays ov making you speak.

Ber999T · 07-11-2005, 18:16

very good and i bet if they try it the gov will take on board

SPUGGIE J · 07-11-2005, 18:32

Industry is complaing about the standard of the 3 R's and now this lump of dung appears what next you have to havew a degree in pure mathmatics by the age of 12.

garinda · 07-11-2005, 18:40

What was the source of this information?

It didn't look very offical. In fact it looked like one of those daft e-mails we all get sent, or a story in the Daily Mail.

SPUGGIE J · 07-11-2005, 18:41

The Daily Mails would not be that good.

garinda · 07-11-2005, 18:44

Quote:

Originally Posted by SPUGGIE J

The Daily Mails would not be that good.

No but it is the sort of story they would print, but claim it came from a euro insider.

SPUGGIE J · 07-11-2005, 18:45

Quote:

Originally Posted by garinda

No but it is the sort of story they would print, but claim it came from a euro insider.

They must have more insiders than the parliment itself.

garinda · 07-11-2005, 18:53

A glaring headline in last week's Daily Mail screamed 'Primary school children to be taught gay sex is good.' On closer reading it turned out that it was just a draft proposal for children to explore family units by using collage.

The idea was to explore the idea that not all children live with their birth parents, and many families have one parent, step siblings, step parents, or even same gender parents. There were lots of quotes from Christian family groups, and the whole thing, underneath the headlines, was a real non-story.

I know both the editor and the owner of the Daily Mail, and they are both right wing prats.

Sorry, off thread I know, but I feel better, and that's all that matters.

expat · 08-11-2005, 08:18

Quote:

Originally Posted by garinda

What was the source of this information?

It didn't look very offical. In fact it looked like one of those daft e-mails we all get sent, or a story in the Daily Mail.

Boy your smart, Ve can't Pull ze vool over your eyes.