For Jo - King Lear (a synopsis)

Tealeaf · 13-11-2003, 13:02

The action takes place in England of old - think of Ozzy on a wet tuesday night.
The head honcho is Lear (King). He has 3 horny daughters -Goneril, Regan & Cordelia, the favourite who gets the Jammy Dodgers all the time.
No sons & so he's worried what will happen when he kicks it.
He comes up with a cunning plan that if Cordelia can show she loves him most she gets the loot. However, Regs & Gono are a right pair of scheming little minxes and they move in to kiss his ar*e.

Cordy is like me; she has principles - she just says "I like yer, dad"....'Owd Lear ain't to happy with this and he tells her to p*ss off out of it, cause he want's the full monty from her.

Meanwhile, his owd mate Kent says "tha can't do that" to which Lear replies "thee can bu*gar off as well", which he does, exit stage right.

Hells bells - what happens next? Some frog king who's been lurking around in the background is supposidly impressed by Cordy's virtue - but just wants to get in her pants - says "hey madame - will you marry me". Cordy says "aye" and sods off over the channel with him.

Meanwhile, 'owd Kent returns, disguised as a servant - he wants to keep an eye on Lear and stop Regs & Gono ripping him off. There's no walking into the bedroom and seeing hanky-panky here. But it's to late - they've grabbed the lot.

Now it all gets a bit shifty. Kent ends up being locked up by Regs, Lear gets him out the sh*t and finally realises there's trouble at t'mill. It causes a mad rush o' blood t'head and Lear runs out into the night.

Another 'owd mate - Gloucester - turns up and offers Jam butty's, tea & sympathy 'cos he's got a couple of dodgy kids as well & he also comes up with the info that Regs & Gono are about to practice a spot of patricide..

"Bug*ar off to Dover" he tells Lear "Tha'll be safe their.."so he does, but it don't do Gloucester any good 'cos Regs hubby (Cornwall) comes round & pokes his eyes out - which he regrets 'cos Glous's serveant then runs him through with a sword...

Meanwhile, Cordy has turned up on Dover beach (No channel tunnel in those days) with an army of frogs. Cordy & her boys get stuck in with a right bunfight with Gono & Regs which the dozy bug*ar Lear manages to sleep through....Gono and Regs are crowned champs however and everything is their's for the asking

Typical women though, they both fancy the same bloke - Edmund, Gloucester's dodgy kid - who told the lads to top Cordy. What do they do? Gono sticks something wicked In Regs drink (and it ain't a date rape drug) but then finds out that Edmund has been topped as well so she tops herself too.

Meanwhile, Cordy gets strung up just as Lear turns up. He sees her dead.."We're all f*cking mad" he says "just like that lot on the Accy Web", keels over and dies.

Hope thats OK Jo - sorry I could'nt do it in German.

That's the plot as I remember it anyway.

Jo · 13-11-2003, 13:29

Wow that's great!! Cheers Tealeaf, I just have to translate into Italian now for the hubby!! I thought Cornelia got the lot at some point, thought her hubby became King of England cos Lear popped it. YOur version is much better though, a true tragedy, sounds much more Shakespear-like that way, I must have got it wrong.

Tealeaf · 13-11-2003, 14:18

...Not quite. I've not put everything in - I don't want to spoil the plot, do I?

lettie · 13-11-2003, 15:04

 Tealeaf - Thou art a true bard.  They don't write em like they used to. :-*

Mik Dickinson · 15-11-2003, 08:40

[quote author=lettie link=board=anything;num=1068732171;start=0#3 date=11/13/03 at 16:04:47]

Tealeaf - Thou art a true bard. They don't write em like they used to. :-*[/quote]
Of the same opinion as you that was brill Tealeaf in Northern words:-
Tha's missed tha calling lad

GoldenBallz · 24-11-2003, 13:02

The 2002 Film "My Kingdom" put an interesting new spin on Lear. It stars the late lamented Richard Harris with cameos from Lynne Redgrave and Jimi Mistry playing a sword/meat cleaver wielding psychotic Sikh. Basically Harris plays a Liverpool underworld boss called Sandeman whose downfall starts with the fatal shooting of his wife in a "motiveless" mugging. WW3 breaks out when Sandeman finds the lad who did fer his missus and the Turbanator accidentally brutally chops the kids into bit sized pieces prompting Sandeman to pack up and hand his dirty empire over to his even dodgier dynasty of daughters. A right royal scouse bitch fight ensues while Sandeman narrowly escapes being bumped off by his daughter's henchmen givibng them the slip by cunningly hiding in a chippy. The film culminates in everyone dying and Harris looking thoroughly battered and weary with the whole thing. It wasn't the best film I've ever seen but you can't go far wrong with anything involving Richard Harris plus I like the idea of making Shakespeare more bearable and accessible. Personally having to trawl through incessant tragedies and sonnets for my English Lit O-Level was enough to put me off for life. Definitely worth watching especially if like me you're a massive fan of the Guy Ritchie genre  8)

Jo · 24-11-2003, 14:07

I have to admit you're right goldenballz about Shakespear being tough! Only once I'd seen his stuff in German or Italian did I really understand it!! No-one here believes me that I understand it better in a foreign language than in enlgish, but that's cos they've never read the English version!

janet · 24-11-2003, 16:14

I have never read anything shakespear has written. but i really enjoyed the film Shakespear in love. Does that count in my favour. ???

Tealeaf · 24-11-2003, 16:39

9/10 Janet.........You get the gist.

I'm going to do a modern version of Henry V. Me, you, Jo, Mik_Dik & Happyone (as Henry) will be on the heroic English side...guess who will be on the French side...and guess what happens in the end?.......

janet · 24-11-2003, 17:10

Could be this tealeaf.    [smiley=behead.gif]