Great One Liners

[Busman747]

There are some great one liners amonst this lot, help yourself if you want to include one in your sig...........

(Karma donations most welcome if you choose to use one or more optional)

I have underlined MY 5 favourites, what about you?

Save the whales. Collect the whole set

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be
misquoted, then used against you.

Honk if you love peace and quiet.

Remember half the people you know are below average.

Nothing is foolproof to a talented fool.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the
cheese.

I intend to live forever - so far so good.

Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and
going the wrong way.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you
tried.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need
it.

For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks

No one is listening until you make a mistake.

Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.

The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness
of the bread.

The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the
ability to reach it.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many
is research.

To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your
principles.

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

Two wrongs are only the beginning.

The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch
up.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

Change is inevitable except from vending machines.

Get a new car for your spouse - it'll be a great trade!

Plan to be spontaneous - tomorrow.

Always try to be modest and be proud of it!

If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand...

Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.

If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving isn't for you.