How to survive with Women!

[Sparkologist]

How to survive with Women - Treat 'em like your car.

1. Give it a regular, thorough going over.
2. Touch up the exterior.
3. Rub it down nicely.
4. Have a quick tinker with the underside.
5. Clean out the tubes.
6. Make sure it's waxed regularly.
7. Is it easy to turn on?
8. Does it need manual crank starting? Or bump starting?
9. Ensure your stick is firm and is not jamming.
10. Change the lubrication.
11. Check for leaks.
12. Check the rubber is not wearing thin.
13. Keep an eye out for bald patches.
14. Lift up the front and have a long hard look.
15. Check the rear end is clean and tidy.
16. Check for spare tyre and any handles.
17. Keep an eye on fuel consumption.
18. Check the condition of the big end.
19. Make sure the top can come down and look good on hot, summer days.
20. Make sure you will not have to spend half your paycheck on accessories for it.
21. Are the bodywork and lines to your liking?
22. Is the interior comfortable?
23. Ensure that it responds well to you when you're in the driving seat.
24. Make sure it's always clean inside.
25. Make sure that it will not require any extra/expert servicing.
26. Check all crevices, especially the box, for dust, dirt, or insect nests.
27. Have any cracks been inexpertly filled in the past?
28. Check the mileage and for any previous lady owners.
29. And that no animals have ever been inside.
30. Fit a child lock - The younger the better.
31. Check that it will not break down on you with no warning.
32. Make sure any unusual noises can be safely ignored.
33. Does it drive well in reverse?
34. Ensure you can tune the radio in to the football.
35. Ensure you have sole ownership.
36. If possible, test drive several times before committing to ownership.
37. Make sure that there is a proper response when you put your foot down, and that it is easy to control.
38. Avoid models that stall during use.
39. Check the odo(ur)meter regularly.
40. Avoid completely blocking the air intake.
41. Take care not to allow too much steam or moisture to build up when away from home.
42. Keep locked in the garage when not in use.
43. Ensure any problems are clearly expressed on the facia.
44. Check for pulling attachments.
45. Security: ensure no Joy riders can get their hands on it.
46. If necessary, fit an alarm.
47. See if the coil needs replacing.
48. Take it for a good thrash around.
49. Are you allowed to take passengers with this model?
50. Watch out for nasty emissions.
51. Keep all leather accessories in order.
52. If necessary, fit a silencer.
53. Or use the choke and throttle properly.
54. For your own safety, never attempt to handle when drunk.
55. Check the hooters. If necessary, give it the horn.
56. Verify that airbags come out when required. Fit extra padding if necessary.
57. NEVER let your friends have a go.
58. Never make the mistake of thinking that if you traded in your current model you could get one like they have in specialist magazines.
59. Avoid taking it to the pub if you're drinking.
60. Long rides may be tiring, do not feel ashamed to stop, in the middle of it and fall asleep.
61. It is preferable to get an automatic as this means less time with your stick in your hand.
62. With a manual: to avoid unpleasant noises coming from it, avoid putting your stick into it's reverse position whilst in motion.
63. It is useful to have more than one for different purposes.
64. German models tend to be solid, steady runners, not ideal for frequent, brief usage.
65. Italian models are very responsive but change hands often (high mileage) and often make worrying noises.
66. American models tend to consume excessive amounts of fuel.
67. Attractive British models are hard to find and expensive to maintain.
68. Swedish models are usually very versatile.
69. Japanese models are mass produced and reliable, but very common and often unattractive.
70. French models are easy to come by, but frequently disappointing.
71. Avoid models that are a tight fit for you; equally, stay away from those with very much more space than needed.
72. Stay well clear of people carriers.
73. Executive models are hard to get going but once speed builds they don't take kindly to stopping.
74. Be wary of fast models as they will probably have high mileage and excessive amounts of wear in places.
75. The interior of ones which have been previously owned by old people will have a smell you will never get rid of.
76. It is unwise to take your father's/big brother's/mate's out without permission.
77. Do not get too attached to ones you have to rent.
78. It is NEVER advisable to own a 'wide load' model.
79. Replace every year with a newer model.

It's all true, isn't it!

[lettie]

Replace every year with a newer model.


By my reckoning, my replacement is due to arrive sometime soon...

[Margaret Pilkington]

Bl**dy Hell.......didnt realise we took so much looking after.
I don't think my hubby has checked for insect nests recently.......I would have slapped him if he did! And I can't see anything about shiny hub caps........!

[jpest1]

Check the mileage and for any previous lady owners.

Why do they come in pairs??

[WINGY]

I love it!! ****ed myself from start to finish lol

[lettie]

Check the condition of the big end.


What exactly are you trying to tell me??????

[Sparkologist]

It might be in need of a re-bore!

[Margaret Pilkington]

Does that mean it is not bored enough already............?

[Steph]

Attractive British models are hard to find and expensive to maintain.


Thats me all over........attractive, British, hard to find and definately expensive to keep...lol

[Reidy]

Thats me all over........attractive, British, hard to find and definately expensive to keep...lol
originally posted by Steph

Whoever gave you that idea