Humour

[SPUGGIE J]

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN
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Take off clothing and place in laundry basket according
to lights, darks,handwash etc. Walk to bathroom wearing towelling
gown. Look at womanly physique in the mirror, stick out belly,
squeeze legs/bum to show cellulite and complain and whine about
getting fat.

Get in shower and wash hair with cucumber and lamprey shampoo with
added vitamins. Condition hair with cucumber and lamprey conditioner
with enhanced natural crocus oil and leave for 15 minutes. Wash face
with apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red raw. Wash
entire body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
Rinse off conditioner, shave arm pits and legs,
consider shaving bikini line, but decide to get waxed
instead. Turn off shower. Spray mould spot with bath
cleaner. Get out of shower. Dry hair with towel the
size of a large African country. Return to bedroom
wearing long towelling gown and towel on head. Take one
and a half hours to get dressed.


HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN
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Take off clothing while sitting on the bed and leave in pile on
floor. Walk naked to the bathroom. If wife sees....wave knob at her
and shout "Wha Hey". Look in mirror and suck in gut to see manly
physique. Admire size of knob in mirror, scratch bollocks, and smell
fingers. Get in shower. Wash face. Wash armpits. Laugh
at how loud farts sound in shower. Wash balls and
surrounding area. Wash arse leaving hairs on soap.
Shampoo hair and make into mohican hairstyle
with shampoo. Pull back curtain to look at self in
mirror then pee in shower. Rinse off and get out of
shower. Fail to notice water on floor because shower
curtain was outside bath as usual. Partially dry off.
Look at self in mirror, flex muscles, and look at size
of knob AGAIN. Leave shower curtain open and light on.
Return to bedroom towel around waist. If you pass wife,
pull off towel and shout "Yeah Baby", thrusting pelvis
at her. Put on yesterdays clothes and pants.