I've Decided, I Need A Woman.

Less · 01-12-2013, 18:04

Yes, I know they can be very tedious, but I've become too set in my ways, I neglect my housework, my appearance and my sexual need's, (please don't be shocked, you should have seen the version I nearly put in the over 18's section).

So, all I need is a lady of independent means that could feel sorry for a human equivalent of a wide eyed puppy.

She doesn't need to be anything other than tolerant, reasonable to look at, (even I don't deserve good looking), able to cook, clean and do a little bit of decorating.

Now, you may be thinking he's asking for a great deal but offering very little, but slow down, think about it, you may have a Sister-in-Law, a widowed Aunt or even a Daughter that keeps turning up at your house and upsetting what could be an ideal relationship between you and your spouse.

Let me take her off your hands.

She might just be the ideally desperate partner I'm looking for and Oh, how you would enjoy having time to yourself, (until we call around for Christmas dinner, (she will need one day a year off)).

dotti34 · 01-12-2013, 19:01

Sounds like you are looking for the 'little woman who would be your helpmeet'.....
...and good luck with that!!!!!

cashman · 01-12-2013, 19:43

Yer asking a bit much Less, Tolerance n Woman DO NOT go in the same sentence.

Bob Dobson · 01-12-2013, 20:53

Quote:

Originally Posted by cashman

Yer asking a bit much Less, Tolerance n Woman DO NOT go in the same sentence.

The lady I saw Cashy with entering the Homebase store this afternoon appeared to be exceedingly tolerant.

cashman · 01-12-2013, 21:09

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bob Dobson

The lady I saw Cashy with entering the Homebase store this afternoon appeared to be exceedingly tolerant.

Yeh shoulda heard her in Asda just before that Bob.

Mick · 01-12-2013, 21:48

You could put yourself into a old peoples home less
oh and the one Anne works at is full

Eric · 01-12-2013, 22:14

Quote:

Originally Posted by Less

She doesn't need to be anything other than tolerant, reasonable to look at, (even I don't deserve good looking), able to cook, clean and do a little bit of decorating.

All this stuff is good ... but, can she field dress a moose?

Less · 01-12-2013, 22:35

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eric

All this stuff is good ... but, can she field dress a moose?

I asked for practical not kinky, though I suppose if she already is, it will save me teaching her, perhaps it would be asking too much though if she could have the same dress size as me?

Less · 01-12-2013, 23:08

Gentlemen please, I can't possibly reply to all your P.M.'s, but all of you need to be aware that I will not take on your Mother in law!
I will however treat your requests as confidential so long as you each leave £100 pounds in a brown envelope in the telephone booth near the Post Office on Blackburn rd every alternate Tuesday.

Restless · 02-12-2013, 10:43

Could always try plenty of fish

gpick24 · 02-12-2013, 14:21

Quote:

Originally Posted by Restless

Could always try plenty of fish

Is that dietary advice or the dating site?

Less · 02-12-2013, 18:30

Well, I've decided I should continue enjoying life as a single rather than submit myself to an example I met last night.

Busy minding my own business and this thing came across with her date/husband/laccy?

She immediately started criticizing people already sat at the table, I thought perhaps she was known to the others, a sick relative perhaps?

After twenty loong minutes she went for a P break, we the innocent started asking each other whose relative are we having to put up with?

Her bloke spoke for the first time, she doesn't know anyone, we are over from Daren for a night out.

She arrived back, right she said to her date, it's time you went home but don't leave before you give me some cash and I don't mean a tenner I'll need at least thirty.

He didn't look taken aback, it appeared to be normal, he checked his wallet, I haven't that much on me he said, then he turned to me and asked where the nearest cash machine is.

I told him, simple question, simple answer.

She then asked where is it? I told her I've given him the details, what is the problem?

Her reply was, I couldn't be bothered listening the first time, tell me again.

Well, as everyone knows I'm a tolerant sort of guy especially with spoilt women, I bend over backwards to let them know how welcome they are within my company.

I not only told her in very frank terms how she may be reasonably good to look at, (Yes, she was one of those really good looking girls that think the world revolves around her).

I also told her that after what she had put our company through she shouldn't press any further on our tolerance.

I then turned to the young man and asked, are you really enjoying her company? Or are you just some sort of banker that she takes advantage of?

He thought for less than an instant, asked where the nearest Taxi rank is, then left, without her.

His problem solved, we still had her, she was a little bit shocked, even more shocked when we moved to another table and told her she wasn't welcome to join us.

She moved to a table of young lads, yes, well, I'm sure she was prepared to pay for a lift home somehow.

cashman · 02-12-2013, 20:25

Well i did tell yeh in post 3 mate.

WilliamHurtley · 11-12-2013, 17:51

Wow! I'd like to meet that young lady . . I could have hours of fun " sending her down a multitude of blind alleys ". What a feast I'd have!