Joke Of The Day

[Sparkologist]

A beautiful voluptuous woman goes to the gynaecologist. He tells her to undress and begins to stroke her thigh, saying, 'Do you know what I'm doing?'
'Yes,' she says, 'you're checking for any abrasions or dermatological abnormalities.'
'That is correct,' replies the doctor, as he begins to fondle her breasts. 'Do you know what I'm doing now?' he asks.
'Yes, you're checking for any lumps or signs of breast cancer.'
'That's right,' he replies. He then begins to have sex with the woman. He says to her,' Do you know what I'm doing now?'
'Yes, She says. 'You're getting herpes, which is why I came here in the first place!'

[lettie]

lmao at that one, and you think I'm the one sailing close to the wind!!!!!!

[lettie]

A man doing market research for the Vaseline Company knocked at the door
and was greeted by a young woman with three small children running around
at her feet.

"I'm doing some research for Vaseline. Have you ever used the product?"

She said, "Yes. My husband and I use it all the time."

"If you don't mind my asking," he said, "what do you use it for?"

"We use it for sex," she said.

The researcher was a little taken aback. "Usually people lie to me and say
they use it on a child's bicycle chain or to help with a gate hinge. But,
in fact, I know that most people do use it for sex. I admire you
for your honesty. Since you've been so frank so far, can you tell me
exactly HOW you use it for sex?"

The woman said, "I don't mind telling you at all.
My husband and I put it on the doorknob and it keeps the kids out.

[Len]

Nice one..

[lettie]

Sherlock Holmes and Mr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal
and a bottle of wine they lay down in their tent for the night and went to
sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend awake.
"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?" Holmes questioned.
Watson pondered for a minute.
"Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and
potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe Saturn is in
Leo. Logically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past
three. Theologically, I can see that God is all-powerful and that we are
small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a
beautiful day tomorrow..
"Is that all?", Holmes asked.
"Yes." Watson replied. "Why, am I missing something?".
Holmes was quiet for a moment, then spoke: "Watson, you dickhead. Someone
has stolen the bloody tent."

[lettie]

A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some bum deodorant.

The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman that they don't sell bum deodorant, and never have. Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis, and would like some more.

"I'm sorry," says the pharmacist, "we don't have any."

"But I always get it here," says the blonde. "Do you have the container it comes in?" "Yes!" said the blonde, "I'll go home and get it."

She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist who looks at it and says to her, "This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant."

The annoyed blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container....





To apply, push up bottom.......

[Len]

Brill, lettie. good one

[Tealeaf]

I read that 3 times before I found the bottom line.....

[lettie]

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking
around with a fly swatter. "What are you doing?" She
asked. "Hunting Flies" He responded. "Oh!, Killing any?" She asked.
"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females", he replied Intrigued, she asked.
"How can you tell?"
"3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone".

[Sparkologist]

That last joke could be construed as sexist, i just thought it was bloody funny.

Have you ever encountered this problem before Lettie .

With the help of a fertility specialist, a 65 year old lady has a baby. All her relatives come and visit and to meet the newest arrival to their family. When they ask to see the baby, the 65 year old mother says, 'Not yet.'
A little later they ask to see the baby again. Once again the mother replies, 'Not yet.'
Finally, the family members ask when can they see the baby. The mother tells them, 'When the baby cries.'
So they ask, 'Why do we have to wait for the baby to cry?'
The new mother says, 'I forgot where I put it.'

[lettie]

Have you ever encountered this problem before Lettie .



Not yet, but it wouldn't surprise me if I did......

[Bazf]

A teenager comes home from school and asks his dad, ‘What’s the difference between potential and reality?’
His dad says, ‘I’ll show you. Ask your mum if she’d sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars.
Then ask your sister if she’d sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars.’
So the kid goes to ask his mum, ‘Would you sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars?’ His mum says, ‘Don’t tell your father, but yes, I would.’
Then he asks his sister, ‘For a million dollars, would you sleep with Brad Pitt?’ She says, ‘Yes!’
The kid goes back to his dad and says, ‘I’ve got it. Potentially we’re sitting on two million bucks – but in reality, we’re living with a couple of slags

[Bazf]

Japanese man walks into a currency exchange in Trafalgar Square and hands 10,000 yen over the counter.
The woman smiles and hands him back £70.
The following week, he again walks in and puts down 10,000 yen – but this time the teller only gives him £60.
‘Why less this week?’ he asks the teller.
The lady smiles and says, ‘Fluctuations.’
The Japanese man storms out, and just before slamming the door, turns around and says, ‘Well, fluc you Blittish, too

[Bazf]

Whats the differance between a Dog and a Fox ?

About eight pints!!!!!!!!!!!

[Sparkologist]

A newly wed couple were spending their honeymoon at a remote log cabin, out in the wilds. They had registered on Saturday and had not been seen for five days. An elderly couple ran the resort, and they were getting concerned about the welfare of these newlyweds.
The old man decided to go and see if they were safe and well. He knocked on the door of the cabin and a weak voice answered from inside. The old man asked if they were OK.
'Yes, we're fine. We are living on the fruits of love.'
The old man replied, 'I thought so. Do you mind not throwing your peelings out of the window...they're choking my ducks.'