Joke Of The Day - Page 27

lettie · 24-05-2004, 20:37

Thankyou Sara...

Sparkologist · 24-05-2004, 20:39

Perhaps we should have some guidelines regarding what naughty words we are allowed to submit. Am i allowed to use that word that means 'ninety-nine, change hands' and starts with the letter 'W'?

If we are, i've got another literary classic waiting to be embellished

WINGY · 24-05-2004, 20:39

so did i hehe

lettie · 24-05-2004, 20:47

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sparkologist

Perhaps we should have some guidelines regarding what naughty words we are allowed to submit. Am i allowed to use that word that means 'ninety-nine, change hands' and starts with the letter 'W'?

If we are, i've got another literary classic waiting to be embellished

Do you mean the exercising of the right wrist word???? Or is it a new word I've never heard of.

lettie · 24-05-2004, 20:56

A doctor had the reputation of helping couples increase the joy in their
sex life, but always promised not to take a case if he felt he could not
help them. The Browns came to see the doctor, and he gave themthorough
physical exams, psychological exams, and various tests and then concluded,
"Yes, I am happy to say that I believe I can help you.

"On your way home from my office stop at the grocery store and buy some
grapes and some doughnuts. Go home, take off your clothes, and you, sir,
roll the grapes across the floor until you make a bullseye in your wife's
love canal. Then on hands and knees you must crawl to her like a leopard
and retrieve the grape using only your tongue.

"Then next, ma'am, you must take the doughnuts and from across the room,
toss them at your husband until you make a ringer around his love pole.
Then like a lioness, you must crawl to him and consume the doughnut."

The couple went home and their sex life became more and more wonderful.
They told their friends, Mr. & Mrs. Green that they should see the good
doctor. The doctor greeted the Greens and said he would not take the case
unless he felt that he could help them; so he conducted the physical exams
and the same battery of tests. Then he told the Greens the bad news. "I
cannot help you, so I will not take your money. I believe your sex life is
as good as it will ever be. I cannot help.

"The Greens pleaded with him, and said, "You helped our friends the Browns,
now please, please help us."
"Well, all right", the doctor said. "On your way home from the office, stop
at the grocery store and buy some apples and a box of cheerios..."

Sparkologist · 24-05-2004, 20:56

Quote:

Originally Posted by lettie

Do you mean the exercising of the right wrist word???? Or is it a new word I've never heard of.

Yep, but ninety-nine change hands implies use of more than just right wrist; ambidexterity is the Sunday name.

Will somebody please condone this verbal vulgarity so i can get posting

lettie · 24-05-2004, 21:20

Oooh! Us women are so cruel, but this joke is clean so I'll post it....

Jake was on his deathbed.. His wife Susan, was maintaining a vigil by his side. She held his fragile hand, tears ran down her face. Her praying roused him from his slumber. He looked up and his pale lips began to move slightly.

'My darling Susan,' he whispered.

'Hush, my love,' she said. 'Rest. Shhh. Don't talk.'

He was insistent.

'Susan,' he said in his tired voice. 'I have something I must confess to
you.'

'There's nothing to confess,' replied the weeping Susan. 'Everything's all
right, go to sleep.'

'No, no. I must die in peace, Susan. I slept with your sister, your best
friend and your mother.'

'I know,' she replied. 'That's why I poisoned you.'

Tealeaf · 25-05-2004, 13:03

Quote:

Originally Posted by lettie

Aand a box of cheerios..."

What are Cheerios?

Mick · 25-05-2004, 13:33

Please keep it reasonably clean don't forget there are children on here now.
thankyou

Bazf · 25-05-2004, 14:13

Tealeaf I think in the UK they are called Honey Loops.

Tealeaf · 25-05-2004, 14:50

What are Honey Loops?...............I'm completely lost on this. I've figured out the joke is a "perv" joke of some sort, but I can't work out exactly why. These things are snacks of some sort, I assume, but I've never heard of'em so I can't get the joke.

lettie · 25-05-2004, 15:16

Cheerios and Honey Nut Loops are breakfast cereals Tealeaf, they are little hoops, about the size of a cornflake.....

Tealeaf · 25-05-2004, 15:40

OK..I get it now.

Len · 25-05-2004, 18:48

I'v just had this sent to me.

I know I will get probably get jailed for this. Hope I dont.

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdgnieg?

THE PAOMNNEHAL PWEOR OF THE HMUAN MNID

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

Prtety Amzanig huh?

Oh Dear!

lettie · 25-05-2004, 19:17

Len!!!!! I'm shocked....

While I was "flying" down the road yesterday (i.e., 10 mph over the limit),
I passed over a bridge only to find a a cop with a radar gun on the other
side laying in wait.

The cop pulled me over, walked up to the car, and with that classic
patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, "What's your hurry?"

To which I replied, "I'm late for work."

"Oh yeah," said the cop, "what do you do?"

"I'm a rectum stretcher," I responded.

The cop was stammered, "A what? A rectum stretcher? And just what does a
rectum stretcher do?"

"Well," I said, "I start by inserting one finger, then I work my way up to
two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in I work side
to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely
stretch, until it's about 6 foot wide."

"And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot a$$hole?"

To which I politely replied, "You give him a radar gun and park him behind
a bridge....."