Joke Of The Day - Page 5

Mik Dickinson · 13-09-2003, 09:11

Bloke walks in to the sex shop in Accy and asks for a blow up doll.He is informed that the shop has just recieved a new cinsignment of State of the Art blow up dolls with hair in 7 places, but it cost 125 pounds.
The customer accepts.On getting home he fervently blows up the doll and starts.Pssst and the thing starts deflating.
Upset the customer fold up the doll, puts it over his arm and walks back to the shop.
He tells the shopkeeper on blowing up the doll and starting his fun the doll went down on him.
Bloody hell says the shopkeeper if i had known that i would have charged 250 quid

Mik Dickinson · 13-09-2003, 09:13

Bill and ben walk in to the pub.Bill walks up to the bar and say woo bloo arhgh and all that tallk they use.Ben walks up and says ignore him hes ****ed 2 pints of lager

Mik Dickinson · 13-09-2003, 09:16

Beckham is playing his very first game for England.Erikson says ' David you are a very talented player and we do not want to wear you out so i am going to pull you off at half time'
Bloody hell says David.I only get an orange at Madrid

littlemo · 13-09-2003, 14:54

A very attractive woman goes up to a bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does she begins to gently caress his full beard. "Are you the manager?" she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands.

"Actually, no," the man replied."

"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him" she says, running her hand beyond his beard and into his hair.

"I'm afraid I can't," breathes the bartender. "Is there anything I can do?"

"Yes, there is. I need you to give him a message," she continues, running her forefinger across the bartender's lips and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.
"What should I tell him?" the bartender manages to say.

"Tell him," she whispers, "there is no toilet paper, hand soap or paper towel in the ladies room."

   

janet · 13-09-2003, 15:33

little mo good one.lol ;D

flashman · 13-09-2003, 16:24

A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's and shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife."

"What type of bra?" asked the clerk. "Type?" inquires the man, "There is more than one type?"

"Look around," said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material imaginable. "Actually, even with all of this variety,
there are really only four types of bras to choose from."

Relieved, the man asked about the types.

The saleslady replied "There are the Catholic, the Salvation Army, the Presbyterian, and the Baptist types. Which one would you prefer?"

Now befuddled, the man asked about the differences between them.

The saleslady responded, "It is all really quite simple...The Catholic type supports the masses. The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen, The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright, and the Baptist makes mountains out of molehills

Mik Dickinson · 14-09-2003, 19:58

Ok you lot.A question now.What is written at the bottom of a condom?

Mik Dickinson · 14-09-2003, 19:58

Never had it rolled down that far then eh?

ANNE · 14-09-2003, 20:09

Ha funny HaHa............

Mick · 14-09-2003, 21:00

[quote author=Mik_Dickinson link=board=anything;num=1048972258;start=50#66 date=09/14/03 at 20:58:35]Ok you lot.A question now.What is written at the bottom of a condom?[/quote]
the end

Jo · 16-09-2003, 12:19

Little Timmy is at school. His teacher asks the class

"OK, there are three birds sat on a fence and a famer comes and shoots the one in the middle. How many birds are left?
Timmy answers,
"None. If the farmer shoots the one in the middle, he would scare the others off".
"No, Timmy, I'm sorry, the answer is 2. 3 minus 1 is 2, but I really like you're way of reasoning."
Timmy replies
"Well Miss, if there are three women sitting on a fence eating an ice-cream and the one on the left is nibbling the cone, the one on the right licking the tentatively ice-cream while the one in the middle is sucking hard at the top of the icecream, which one would you say is married?"
The teacher blushes and stuttering, answers,
"Well, I suppose the one in the middle, Timmy".
"No", says Timmy, "the one that's wearing the wedding ring, but I really like your way of reasoning!"

Ruud · 16-09-2003, 12:39

What did hitler say to his men before they got into their tanks?

Get into your tanks men.   ;D

Ill get me coat, I thought it was funny anyway

janet · 16-09-2003, 19:22

nice one jo. lol  ;D ;D

lettie · 16-09-2003, 19:30

;D  What's the difference between Cosmopolitan, Vogue and Woman's Weekly?

Cosmopolitan will tell you how to have an orgasm,

Vogue will tell you how to look good while you're having one,

Woman's Weekly will tell you how to knit one!!   ;D

Mick · 16-09-2003, 19:43

And Best tells you when you are having one

Womans Realm tells you why you are having one

Take a break tells when you have finished having one