Joke Of The Day

[Sparkologist]

Camilla Parker Bowles goes to her doctor and says, "Doctor every time I give Prince Charles a blow job I get this really bad heart burn."


The doctor looks at her and asks, "Have you tried Andrews?"

[staggeringman]

cute little girl with all blonde curls and big blue eyes
goes into a pet shop,and in a sweet quiet voice lisps
have you a widdle wabbit?
the shopkeepers heart melts,
he points to a cage do you want a widdle white wabby
or a widdle bwack wabby,
little girl replies i dont fink my python weally gives a phuk!!!!!

[Sparkologist]

A story with a moral. So read on folks, and pay heed...


An old farmer in Kansas had owned a large farm, with a nice pond in the back 40 acres. It was fixed up nice: picnic tables, horseshoe courts and some apple and peach trees.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond as he hadn't been there for a while and look it over. He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.
Upon nearing the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made some noise so the women would be aware of his presence. When they heard the farmer, all the young ladies retreated to the deep end of the pond. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"
The old man frowned. "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked, or make you get out of the pond." Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm just here to feed the alligator."

Old age and cunning will triumph over youth and enthusiasm every time!

[staggeringman]

whats got three balls and flys through space?????
an extra testicle!!

[Sparkologist]

Here's an ulltra quickie...


How do you make a hormone?

Don't pay her.

[Doug]

Originally Posted by staggeringman

whats got three balls and flys through space?????
an extra testicle!!

You daft bu***r. I've got chip gravey all over the desk now..........

[Len]

Three men die in a car accident.They all find themselves at the pearly
gates, waiting to enter Heaven. On entering they are told that they
must present something Christmassy.

The first man searches his pocket, and finds some mistltoe, so he is
allowed in.

The second man presents a cracker , so he is also allowed in.

The third man pulls out a pair of knickers.

Confused at this last gesture , the angel asks him: "How do these
represent Christmas?"

The man answers: "They're Carol's."

[Sparkologist]

A guy runs into an ex-girlfriend, with whom he didn't have the greatest relationship. "You know, I was with another woman last night, but I was still thinking of you."
"Why, because you miss me?" she asked, sarcastically.
Smugly he replied, "No, because it keeps me from coming too fast!"

[staggeringman]

what do women and floor tiles have in common???
lay them good and you can walk all over them for
years!!!

[staggeringman]

Englishman,Irishman,Scotsman

granted a last wish before they are
being executed, irishman says.
aah to be sure,to here danny boy
played on the flute by james galway,
the scotsman said to hear scotland
the brave played on the bagpipes,
the englishman turns around and says
to be shot first!!

[Sparkologist]

And the moral of this story is... don't believe everything you read in the newspapers.

After working for many long, hard years a hooker decides to finally retire. Fearful of spending the rest of her life alone, she also decides to marry. Having been with so many perverted men over the years, she felt that she needed a change and committed to marrying only a virgin male approx. the same age as herself.
She took out numerous ads in various newspapers around the world seeking a male virgin approx. 55 years old. She finally narrowed her choices down to one Australian computer programmer. After a thorough background check, she was convinced that he indeed had never been with a woman and they were soon afterward married. On their wedding night, she goes into the bathroom to change into her nightie. When she returns, she finds that her new husband has taken the bed and
everything in the room and stacked it in one corner. Thinking this rather kinky, she asks her husband, "I thought you had never been with a woman before?"
He replies, "That's true, but if it's anything like screwing a kangaroo, we're going to need all the room we can get!"

[staggeringman]

pregnant dublin girl phones home,
ma ...oi tink me waters hav broke,
oh...me holy jaysus..she says...
where will ya be ringing from?
daughter replies from moy minge to me ankles!

[Sparkologist]

Hey, Stagger' I'm glad i saw your joke before the mind police got their filthy fingers on it. It is now doing the rounds on my moby.

[staggeringman]

Originally Posted by Sparkologist

Hey, Stagger' I'm glad i saw your joke before the mind police got their filthy fingers on it. It is now doing the rounds on my moby.

p.m me your mob no i get some real crackers.

[vorlon24]

NEWS FLASH

A major earthquake measuring 5.8 on the Richter scale hit in the early hours of Monday 24th May 2004. Epicentre: Basildon, Essex. Victims were seen wandering around aimless muttering "faaackin ell".

The earthquake decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from the Balearics and Spanish Costa's were damaged beyond repair. Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their giro arrived. Essex FM (County Radio Station) reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered, still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Basildon.

One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said: "It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm slept through it all.
I was still shaking when I was watching Trisha the next morning."

Apparently though, looting, muggings and car crime did carry on as normal.
The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, including benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and Bone China from Poundland.

HOW CAN YOU HELP?

This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing, parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most sought after, items most needed include: Fila or Burberry baseball caps Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers) Shell suits (female) White sport socks Rockport boots Any other items usually sold in Primark

Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same.
Required foodstuffs include Microwave meals Tins of baked beans, Ice cream, Cans of Stella or Special Brew. 22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms £2 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9 £5 will pay for a packet of B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.

**Breaking news**

Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in blood -'where are you bleeding from?' they asked - "ROMFORD" said the girl, "woss that got to do with it?"