Joke Of The Day

[Sara]

Originally Posted by whistler

Sara, I'm sure I know a joke about the irish ferry..........I'll have to think.

Wait till i get back pleaseeeeeeeee

[Eric]

Originally Posted by whistler

Sara, I'm sure I know a joke about the irish ferry..........I'll have to think.

In this politically correct age, one should say "Irish person with alternative sexual prefferrences."

[Eric]

And I'm not talking about the Irish sheep farmer ....

[Lilly]

The HR manager of the factory in America that manufactures the 'Tickle me Elmo' dolls (you know,the character from Sesame Street)had just taken on a new female employee.
The new lady had been there for a few days when the line manager paid a visit to the HR manager to complain that the lady was holding up the production line and causing chaos.He asked that the HR manager come down to the shop floor to watch the lady in action.
The HR manager went down to where the production line was and saw the new lady surrounded by toys that had fallen off the conveyor belt because they were all piling up,the other workers were shouting at her and it was indeed chaos.
The HR manager approached the new lady,who seemed oblivious to the pile-up she was causing.The lady was perched on a stool at the conveyor belt,meticulously sewing two marbles into a small piece of red cloth and stitching the small package between Elmo's legs.
The HR manager asked the lady what on earth she was doing and the lady told her that she was doing as she had been instructed at the interview.
'No!' the HR manager said.'I told you that your job was to give Elmo two TEST TICKLES!'

[Eric]

Nice one ... reminds me of the aliens who had three balls ... they were the Exteratesticles.

[Eric]

I don't know if this qualifies as a joke, because it actually happened. A friend of mine who lives in the boonies attended a meeting between sheep farmers and reps from the Ontario Ministry of the Environment. The problem was wolves. They were eating sheep. The wolf population in this area has been allowed to increase because it became evident that wolves performed the useful function of keeping the deer population healthy by culling the weak and sick members of the local herds. However, the occasional meal of mutton on the hoof provided variety to the wolf diet. The farmers of course wanted the wolves shot. A rep fromt the ministry suggested that male wolves be trapped, castrated and relocated (ouch, I feel for those poor animals). A farmer stood up and said something like: "Lady, you aint got the point. Problem is around here is that them wolves is eatin' the sheep, they aint screwing them"

[kathleen_firth]

some very excellent jokes here too many for me to read all at once though

[Eric]

Two young women, a blonde and a brunette get really hammered in a bar. The dark haired girl, being responsible suggests that, not having the money for a taxi, they walk the 10km home rather than drive impaired. About halfway home, the blonde says that she can't walk any more. The other girl tells the blonde to sit by the side of the road ... they were in a rural area so it was safe .... while she walked home, phoned a friend with a car, and returned to pick the blonde up. Brunnette walks home and phones a really good friend .... remember that this is about 3am! They drive back to pick up the blonde, but she has disappeared. They finally find her in the middle of a field with some cows. She is sitting under one of the cows sucking on its teats. Seeing her dark haired friend the blonde says: "Come here and help out. One of these guys must have a car."

[Sara]

Originally Posted by whistler

Sara, I'm sure I know a joke about the irish ferry..........I'll have to think.

Back now so you can tell the joke.

[Mick]

A little girl was in her back garden patting down a freshly-filled hole when the next door neighbour, an elderly lady looks over the fence.
Interested in what the little girl was doing,
she politely asked:"what are you doing?"
My goldfish died replied the tearful girl without looking up and i have just buried him.
The old lady was suprised and pointed out "that's a very big hole for a goldfish isn't it?
The little girl carried on patting the soil down on the hole crying her eye's out then got up and said "that's because he's still inside your sodding cat"

[BERNADETTE]

Good One Mick:d

[West Ender]

A sweet little girl goes into a pet shop and lisps to the owner,
"Pleathe have you got any little rabbitth?"

The owner bends down to her level and smiles.
"Do you want a little white rabbit, a furry little black rabbit or a lovely little brown rabbit?" he asks.

The little girl puts her small fists one her hips, leans forward and whispers,
"I really don't think my python giveth a thit."

[beechy]

i whent to the local pet shop and sked for a gold fish
the assistant said do you want an a aquarium
i said i dont care when it was born

[grego]

Kermit Jagger

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can

see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral."

She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"

(you're gonna love this)

(its a real treat)

(a masterpiece)

(wait for it)



The bank manager looks back at her and says...

"It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."


(You're singing it, aren't you? Yeah, I know you are........)

[Eric]

A bear, a lion, and a chicken are sitting around talking about who is the toughest animal. The bear says "When I roar the whole forest trembles." The lion says "When I roar the whole jungle shakes with fear." The chicken says, "All I have to do is cough and the whole world ****s itself."