Joke Of The Day

[WillowTheWhisp]

Computer Trouble

An unfailingly polite lady called to ask for help with a Windows installation that had gone terribly wrong.

Customer: I brought my Windows disks from work to install them on my home computer. Training stresses that we are not the Software Police, so I let the little act of piracy slide.

Tech Support: Umm hmm. What happened?

Customer: As I put each disk in, it turns out they weren't initialized.

Tech Support: Do you remember the message exactly, ma'am?

Customer: (proudly) I wrote it down. It said, "This is not a Macintosh disk. Would you like to initialize it?"

Tech Support: Er, what happened next?

Customer: After they were initialized, all the disks appeared to be blank. And now I brought them back to work and I can't read them in the A: drive. The PC wants to format them. And this is our only set of Windows disks for the whole office. Did I do something wrong?

[Eric]

A store that sells new husbands has just opened in Kingston. A woman may go to the store to choose a husband. At the entrance of the store is a description of how it operates. One may visit the store only once. There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is a catch however. A woman may choose any man from a particular floor, or choose to go up a floor; but she cannot go back down except to exit the building. A woman goes to the store and on the first floor the sign reads "These men have jobs." On the second floor: "These men have jobs and love kids." On the third: "These men have jobs, love kids and are very good looking." On the fourth: "These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework." On the fifth floor the sign reads: "These men have jobs, love kids, are good looking, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak." She is tempted to choose one of these, but she feels impelled to go to the sixth floor, where the sign reads: "You are vistor 31, 456, 012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor, it exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the husband store.

A New Wives Store opened across the street. The first floor has wives that love sex. The second floor has wives that love sex and have money. The third thro' sixth floors have never been visited.

[Bazf]

Just reversed in to a car, a drawf got out and said "I'm not happy!!!!!!"
I asked "which one are you then?"

[Tinkerbelle]

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour, surgical procedure.

A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.

Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask. "Are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."

He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles black?"

Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around. Then, she takes a close look and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir !!"

The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but listen very, very closely....


A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s b a c k ? "

[harwood red]

errr who are you???

[Tinkerbelle]

Originally Posted by harwood red

errr who are you???

hehehe! Had to share that joke with ya all .... it left me with a giant puddle in my pants !!

[Mick]

Here tinks this link might help you with your problem
http://www.tenadirect.co.uk/menu.htm

[Tinkerbelle]

... I bought shares in that company !!

[Mick]

Originally Posted by Tinkerbelle

... I bought shares in that company !!

Thats why there profit has gone up so much in the last few years

[Lilly]

Originally Posted by Tinkerbelle

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour, surgical procedure.

A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.

Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask. "Are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."

He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles black?"

Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around. Then, she takes a close look and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir !!"

The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but listen very, very closely....


A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s b a c k ? "

LOL. I remember Dave Spikey telling that one in his stand-up show at King George's Hall a couple of years ago. It brought the house down!

[harwood red]

Originally Posted by Lilly

LOL. I remember Dave Spikey telling that one in his stand-up show at King George's Hall a couple of years ago. It brought the house down!

funnily enough just been told that I'm going to see him at burnley mechanics tonight!!! yeah unbelievable....









me going to burnley

[Eric]

A world war two fighter pilot was giving a talk at a Catholic girls school. Asked to describe what a "dog fight" was he talked of one of his experiences in the Battle of Britain. "I was flying over the chanel" he said "and all of a sudden there was a fokker on my right, one on my left, and another on my tail." At this point the girlish giggling had grown to such a level, that the nun who was running the show interrupted to tell the girls that the fokker was a type of German aircraft. "Thank you sister," said the old warrior, "but these fokkers were messerschmitt's."

[XxEmziexX]

Here is one for you

you are driving at a constant speed on your left is a sheer drop on your right is a fire engine traveling the same speed as you, in front of you is a galloping pig the same size as your car and your cannot overtake it and behind you is a helicopter flying at ground level also traveling at the same speed as you.....

what must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?






GET OFF THE KIDDIES MERRY GO ROUND YOUR WASTED !!!!!

[flashy]

There are these three girls and their boyfriends all have the same name. So in order to keep them from getting confused, they decided to give their boyfriends nicknames. So they asked the first girl what she called her boyfriend. And she says, "I call my man 7-up." They ask her," Why do you call your man that," and she says," Because he's seven inches long and is always up. They ask the second girl what she calls her man. She says," I call my man Mountain Dew." They ask," Why do you call your man that," and she says," Because he likes to Mount me and to Do me." They ask the third girl the same thing and she says, "I like to call my man Jack Daniels." They look at her puzzled and say," Why do you call your man that, Jack Daniels is a Hard Liquor," and she says, "Exactly."

[firth_dawn]

that one i liked. good on you bluesmaster