Liar, liar, pants on fire!

[Guinness]

Just been reading some tweets about stupid lies your parents told you. Some real crackers..

Ducks have extendable legs so they can walk along the bottom of the pond

A little man runs underneath the motorway turning on the cats eyes

My dad told me he went to the gym with Batman, I was 11 before my friends convinced me otherwise

The gunshot wound my dad told me he got while serving in the SAS is in fact the scar from a cyst removal

If you touch the heating wires on the rear windscreen you will be electrocuted

Cows sleep in trees at night that's why you never see them in the fields after dark

My dad told me he was a Uboat commander, he was scottish and born in 1941

Shaking Stevens is a midget who wears built up plimsolls

My dad told me he had black hair because he worked down the mines as a child

If you put your clothes on before drying yourself after a bath you'll catch the dreaded 'kinking cough'

My dad gave me a ball bearing and told me that there was a diamond inside, spent the whole summer trying to open it.

The ice cream man only sounds his chimes when he's run out of ice cream.......



As for me.....Told one of mine that I'd built the starship Enterprise and as proof pointed myself out in one of the films doing a bit of welding in space in full astronaut gear, which, according to her, she boasted to her doubled up with laughter teacher the next day.

So ignoring the obvious ones we all tell about Santa and the tooth fairy etc..

Has anyone else told an absolute whopper to their kids?

[cashman]

Yeh, when me daughter was at junior school (Sacred Heart) One tea time over tea, i told her i used to play darts in the Black Horse wi Jesus, n thought no more about it, until i went to parents night. She had told her teacher in R.I. n the teacher was far from pleased wi me.

[Margaret Pilkington]

Guinness, thanks for making me smile.
I think I might just purloin some of those to use on the tinlids.

I must've told some fiblets over the years, but the only one I can remember is that Santa always brought the Christmas tree and the fairies came along and put the decorations on it.....this was because I hated having the tree up for the whole of December.
It worked well until she was investigating the top cupboard of the wardrobe, and parts of the tree fell out on her.
That was me rumbled! Her dad did tell her that a scar he has on his thigh was from fighting sharks when he was out in Australia........he actually got it when he fell off his push bike...the nearest he ever got to fighting sharks was when his shark tooth charm dug into his neck

[Studio25]

Not the kids, but my ex wife. She wasn't usually very gullible, but I told her that the dinosaur park on the Isle of Wight was where they got all the animals that were used in Jurassic Park. She was very sceptical at first - convinced it was full of huge plastic models, but I pointed out that it had to be on an island in case they escaped from the park. Eventually, I managed to convince her, and got double the fun when I came clean about it all.

Still, the return journey was nice and quiet.

[lettie]

I told my nephew that my photo of my Graduation in my cap and gown was my uniform at Hogwarts
Jelly babies grow on a tree in Oak Hill Park and I can pick them because I am tall enough to reach them
If you have tummy ache you need to do a big loud trump and it will go away

I have told these to my nieces and nephews.... Their mothers love me

[Barrie Yates]

Treacle mines in Sabden, Custard wells on Pendle, Rhubarb Mines in Yorkshire growing a Chinese variety as it had to grow sideways, Puff the Magic Dragon's home in a railway tunnel on Dawlish seafront - my lads were quite gullible until the eldest was about 8 years old and then he bubbled me.

[Studio25]

But the Sabden Treacle Mine is real... isn't it?

[cashman]

Originally Posted by Studio25

But the Sabden Treacle Mine is real... isn't it?

Certainly is real, ignore him, hes just a killjoy.

[accyman]

after watching a jason manford dvd for a few years my youngest believed i could tell if he was lying because if you told a lie your tongue would turn purple

for years he also believed that i switched the moon on at night for him .It was osmething i told him so he knew i was thinking of him when i wasnt there.Problems arose when teh school contacted his mum to inform them that he agreed that indeed the moon did revolve around the eath but once it got overhead daddy switched it on

what didnt help matters was that to support my claim i told him i had a friend who was a spaceman and bought some of that awfull smelling cheese from asda and wrapped it in tinfoil claiming it had been brought back to earth by my pal

this then led to me telling him that the moon gets smaller because spacemen mine the cheese and it grows back while the spacemen are back on earth selling the cheese

Im in deep doo doo when hes older

[Less]

When asked why some films are in black and white I told mine it was because people couldn't see in colour until 1968.

My Missus came from Southern Ireland, when they asked what Is Ireland like I said that their mother had to live in a cave to keep safe from the dinosaurs.
The confusion that caused with relatives when they came to visit and were asked what colour are the dinosaurs and does your cave have a door or do you roll a rock in front of it at night time?

[maxthecollie]

Originally Posted by Studio25

But the Sabden Treacle Mine is real... isn't it?

You get the best treacle out on a misty day

[Sunflower49]

Originally Posted by cashman

Yeh, when me daughter was at junior school (Sacred Heart) One tea time over tea, i told her i used to play darts in the Black Horse wi Jesus, n thought no more about it, until i went to parents night. She had told her teacher in R.I. n the teacher was far from pleased wi me.

Lol that's so amusing. What did the teacher actually say?!

I got told all sorts of rubbish when I was young-just a couple I remember here;

'If you sit with your back to the fire, your blood'll dry up'.

'If you sit too close to the TV your eyes will go square'.

'If you're playing games pretending to be a dog, you'll turn into one!'

'Eat your crusts, or your hair won't curl'

'If you pick your nose your brains will fall out'

Really?! (all said by my maternal Grandmother).

'She's ran off with a black man' (Default response when I asked my Grandfather where Nana was).

I didn't realise at the time, obviously how wrong a thing to say!

[cashman]

Can't remember exactly suger twas well oer 30 yrs ago, But the R.I. teacher certainly had no sense of humour.(daughter was only 5/6 at the time) Can remember one me mam used to tell me, to get me to eat me carrots! "Did yeh ever see a rabbit wearing glasses"

[DaveinGermany]

If you swallowed chewing gum, you'd end up blowing bubbles out your backside!

If you didn't behave you'd be given to the Gypoes & they'd sort you.

If you don't ask you don't get, but those who ask are cheeky so don't get!


Ah, the joys of growing up, blackmailed & terrorised in turn.

Oh & Cat's eyes were trained cats living under the roads who ducked when a car went over them!

[Barrie Yates]

[QUOTE=DaveinGermany;1070012]

If you didn't behave you'd be given to the Gypoes & they'd sort you.

Ah, the joys of growing up, blackmailed & terrorised in turn.
QUOTE]

Or the threat during RAF Basic Training - If you can't keep in step you will be transferred to the Pongos