local emergency

[WillowTheWhisp]

A bit of a draught measuring 0.58 on the Richter scale hit Hyndburn in the early hours of today. Epicentre: Accrington Broadway, with further damage being felt as far away as "upt' Coppie" and "over Heyamses" Victims were seen wandering around the town aimlessly.

The storm decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from the Balearics and Spanish Costas were damaged beyond repair. Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their giros arrived.

Local website (Hyndburnlite) reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered, still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Hyndburn.

One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said "It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm slept through it all. I was still shaking when I was watching Trisha the next morning."

Apparently though, looting, muggings and car crime did carry on as normal. The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to help the stricken locals.

Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, including benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and Bone China from Poundland.

HOW CAN YOU HELP?
This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most sought after - items most needed include:
-- Fila or Burberry baseball caps
-- Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers)
-- Shell suits (female)
-- White sport socks
-- Rockport boots
-- Any other items usually sold in Primark.

Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same.
Required foodstuffs include:
-- Microwave meals
-- Tins of baked beans
-- Ice cream
-- Cans of Colt 45 or Special Brew.

22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9 £5 will pay for a packet of B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.

**Breaking news**

Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in raspberry alco-pop - 'where are you bleeding from?' they asked - "Snuffy Arrod" said the girl, "wots that got to do wi yoo?"

There has been a request for people NOT to send tents as the sight of high quality housing could be too much for some of the victims!

[SPUGGIE J]

Willow that is an absolute stoater of a post 110 out of 100 for it.

[janet]

Brilliant read Willow.

[Gayle]

Brilliant, very funny