Persistent Salesmen Don't You Hate Them?

[Less]

Originally Posted by Margaret Pilkington

get rid of it Less.

I don't know what it looks like I'll have to wait until the batteries die.

[Less]

I didn't know which section to put this into, then I decided the author of the rant deserves to be amongst the lowest of the low which must be this thread.
He was obviously a greeny, obvious because he doesn't wash and the stains on his clothing were very, very, old.
I was outside having a fag, so was he, he'd already been irritating others, then he decided it was my turn, pollution he cried, you'll know about it won't you?
Well I replied which particular bit of pollution there are so many we are all guilty of causing.
He staggered forward and winked with his sober eye, corrected his balance before stepping off the curb in front of a bus.
Well I mean he said them there rockets they keep sending them up there it costs a fortune, how much pollution are they putting out?
I hesitated, after all I'm not a rocket scientist, then I put forward my best guess, don't they use a combination of oxygen, nitrogen, and hydrogen to power their rockets? So far as I understand they produce water when they blast off.
His reply was expletive off you smart arse you obviously know nowt.
I replied by saying he obviously has researched this far more than I and should forgive my ignorance. He smiled, wandered over to some other unsuspecting fool that had just come out for a fag, so he said, do you think the tree in Rhydding park should be saved? I saw the other guy frown knowing he was in for a long and pointless conversation.

[Less]

Oh, this guy was good,

There I was sat outside one of our more reputable pubs enjoying the sunshine between the clouds, (by reputable I mean they have a sign that brags about how many hours it's been since they last had to call the police, yes, for me quite posh), the bloke staggered into an 8 foot table and apologised to it, I being foolish glanced up from my phone, that was enough he thought he had me.

Sorry mate sorry, didn't mean to disturb you but,

Ah yes, there has to be a but.

Can you lend me a pound until Thursday?

I informed him that today is Thursday, ah well he said, at the same time as dragging some minor silver coins of the realm from his pocket, I need the pound to get back home to Blackburn.

Even with my pound I replied you won't have enough to get to Blackburn, oh well in that case can you lend me two pounds?

My reply was no, I lend you two pounds and I am unable to get my next pint, I'll keep my two pounds.

Oh yes he says I know where your coming from, but I see your a smoker, can I have a fag while I ask others for my bus fare?
No came my reply, he got annoyed you know what you are?

Yes I replied I'm a complete Twit (substitute a for the i) but I'm two pounds richer than you are.

He finally gave up and went looking elsewhere, it was a joy to watch others had been listening and gave him shorter shrift in far more colourful language than I did.

[Less]

Originally Posted by Margaret Pilkington

...you need to get it off Less.

Just doing a bit of re-reading and thankyou for the offer, but I think it would be best that I decline, it wouldn't do our reputations any good no matter how exciting it might be!
😆

[Margaret Pilkington]

There was nothing on offer Less.....so there will be no need to worry about either of our reputations.

[Less]

Originally Posted by Margaret Pilkington

There was nothing on offer Less.....so there will be no need to worry about either of our reputations.

Of course not, it could only be imagined as Compo and Nora Batty, its up to the others to decide which of us is whom!

[Margaret Pilkington]

Oh Less....My imagination is in overdrive.

[Less]

A bit like buses we wait for ages then two come along at once.

I was on a fag break grateful that because it's summer the rain falling was almost warm, when from the depths of the pub came a Scot, not one of the stereotypical Och eigh the noo type scots but the full blown four letter word self opinionated type of Scot.

Expletive, expletive, expletive, look at that car that Western Oriental Gentleman is driving for expletives sake.

I looked, the guy was driving a top of the range Jag.

It looks fantastic says I,


Expletive, expletive, expletive, no says he, what the expletive, is he doing in such an expletive car? I can't even afford the wheel on that expletive!

Well, says I perhaps he's earned it not all of 'em are criminals he could be a well educated proffesional that deserves to drive around in such a vehicle?

Expletive, expletive, expletive, I'm expletive educated, the people inside this pub are expletive well educated none of them can afford such a expletive car!

This so called conversation went on no doubt longer than it took the guy in the car to get his Jag outa town.

I finished it by saying, well I think you must be jealous.

There are not enough expletives to copy and paste as his reply suffice it to say, he asked me why I thought he was jealous.

Well said I, I know I am.

At this point he expleted off.

Then, before I could take another draw on my fag along comes the next one,

shouting into his mobile with his cigarette hanging from his mouth.

Obviously an important call or else he was using some new expletives he'd just learnt from a scotsman.
He stopped, made a signal with his fingers at me that he needed a light for his fag and continued swearing into his 'phone.
I remained motionless, he repeated the gesture I remained motionless, he moved his mouth away from his 'phone and shouted, I need an expletive light.

No, I replied You want an expletive light please.

He looked shocked but slowly repeated the above sentence.

I gave him a light and said, you see, all we have to do is use some expletive manners and we can get what we want.

His parting words showed he had paid attention to the lessons being taught by the Scotsman.

[Margaret Pilkington]

Less, you do lead an interesting life.
And I like hearing how you tell it.

[Less]

Originally Posted by Margaret Pilkington

Less, you do lead an interesting life.
And I like hearing how you tell it.

I live the only life that I have, if I could choose to live it without these kind of people I would be tempted, but then, would it be as interestingly diverse?

[Margaret Pilkington]

No, of course it wouldn't...and you would have nothing to make us chuckle.(well, it made me chuckle...perhaps I have a warped sense of humour...it was left out in the rain)

I think the batteries in your a$$hole magnet are Duracell plus...either that,or they are solar powered.

[Less]

So here we are with today's little snippet.

Outside smoking as usual when a rather irate young man came up to me and with the usual flow of language asked me if 'his mate' was in the pub.

I asked calmly, what is your mates name?

He's my mate for flukes sake is he in there?

How do I know replied I, I don't know you and though I might know your mate and he may even be in there if I do, perhaps it would be easier if you just walked in and looked for yourself?
I can't go in there, I've been banned, look just go in and see if he's there.
I put my ciggy out, turned around and wandered into the pub, I used the chance to take a toilet break.
I then went back outside expecting he would by now have gone, no such luck.

Well is he there he screamed at me.

I've wandered through the pub says I, and I can honestly say if your mate is in there I didn't recognise him.

Well, booger says the irate one you'd think he would have come out knowing I'm here.

How does he know your here? You've asked me to go inside to find someone I don't know, I didn't find him, so maybe he's somewhere else? Would you like me to nip down the road and see if he's in another pub?

Nah, Yer right, I'm going that way meself, I'll ask when I get there.

There are times I get a splitting headache just like a hangover, without the chance of sobering up.

[Margaret Pilkington]

Less, you really need to find that ash hole magnet and take the batteries out of it.

[Less]

Originally Posted by Margaret Pilkington

Less, you really need to find that ash hole magnet and take the batteries out of it.

Batteries aren't just for Christmas, Duracell make them for life!

[Margaret Pilkington]

I think yours must be solar powered.