Secret Cat Diary

flashy · 09-08-2009, 06:36

Secret Cat Diary

DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from shredding the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant and cough it up on the carpeting.

DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their
favorite chair...must try this on their bed (again).

DAY 762 - Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night.

DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan...

DAY 768- I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo". What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth and the tiny bit of flesh under my claws.

DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer." More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies". Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The Bird on the other hand has got to be an informant. He has mastered their frightful tongue (something akin to mole speak) and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time.

Margaret Pilkington · 09-08-2009, 08:33

Flashy......did you write this?
I think it is hilarious.

flashy · 09-08-2009, 09:18

no i didnt write it, got it in an email

Margaret Pilkington · 09-08-2009, 10:10

oh, I thought you were branching out and becoimg a writer.......it is good.

Tealeaf · 09-08-2009, 10:12

Day 775 - Strung up by the bollocks by Tealeaf and died a slow lingering death. Fini.

SPUGGIE J · 09-08-2009, 11:02

Wonder if Less is aware this could be his moggy? Either that or his moggy is considering all that is mentioned.

Margaret Pilkington · 09-08-2009, 11:18

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tealeaf

Day 775 - Strung up by the bollocks by Tealeaf and died a slow lingering death. Fini.

Not possible. It is obviously a female cat.....it can think and rationalise.

Less · 09-08-2009, 11:49

Quote:

Originally Posted by Margaret Pilkington

Not possible. It is obviously a female cat.....it can think and rationalise.

Not when it's in a pot with carrots & potato's it can't,

I believe the recipe is called 'Mock Rabbit Stew'.

Margaret Pilkington · 09-08-2009, 12:05

Less, How could you!
And you, the servant of a feline too.

Margaret Pilkington · 09-08-2009, 12:06

Besides,it looks 'orrible.

Less · 09-08-2009, 12:10

Quote:

Originally Posted by Margaret Pilkington

Less, How could you!
And you, the servant of a feline too.

If it started acting like the females of the human race I would have no choice, it would be a kindness,

(I don't think I've ever heard the terms 'think' and 'rational', in the same sentence when referring to any female whatever the species).

See, he agrees!