Shock Horror Exclusive, Drunken Nights Of Labour Candidate

Less · 23-03-2010, 10:50

Our Roving reporter can now claim an unbiased exclusive*

After Accusations from a Blur Petey Executive, a potential Labour Councillor admits to memory loss due to excessive Drinking.

Straight from an unknown source we will call aggroweb we can publish these revelations:-

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ken Moss

I had a beer once.

Quote:

Originally Posted by garinda

We can't have alcoholics on BBC children's television.

Empty your locker, leave you key for the Blue Peter garden, and get out.

I hear they're looking for late night bingo callers on Channel 5.

Toodle pip.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ken Moss

I just happen to know from a friend of a friend. Most nights you'll find me listening to Counterpoint and The News Quiz on Radio 4.

When asked by our intrepid reporter,

Quote:

Originally Posted by Less

Why do you have to rely on a friend of a friend of yours to find out what you have been up to?

So far the wannabe Councillor has refused to comment Less claims, (not allowing the fact that the alleged Alcoholic has yet to sign in for him to be able to reply get in the way of a potential Nationwide scandal).

Are there no depths to which the local press will stoop in attacking Labour? Would have been the unbiased question from Jaysay our tame Tory, had I bothered to ask him.

This article would have gone on for another few pages except that our never resting reporter is getting ready for another soul searching exclusive.

What Really Does Go On Beneath That Barmaids Apron? Anything Or Nothing?

Read our Sister Sunday Paper for the printed version of soft porn for the Churchgoers to Tut at, Head-liner, at double the normal price because we know your dirty little minds are hooked on such filth.

*He must be unbiased he hates everyone.

Please note the above is an artist's impression and does not now, nor has it ever been an accurate way that our reporter has ever looked.

garinda · 23-03-2010, 11:23

I feel like a patsy.

garinda · 23-03-2010, 11:23

Sorry, typo.

I feel like a pastie.

Less · 23-03-2010, 11:31

Quote:

Originally Posted by garinda

I feel like a patsy.

Quote:

Originally Posted by garinda

Sorry, typo.

I feel like a pastie.

Either version is close enough for our Editorial staff, your hired.

We have just the right storyline for you, How do you feel about doing an Exclusive about a Queer bashing man of the cloth who's holy orders seem to have become a tangled mess of messages, they have now drawn him into the even more fantasy laden world of Politics?

garinda · 23-03-2010, 11:35

It's good to see there is still some good local investigative journalism, but the layout seems a little old fashioned, if I might dare say.

Readers today today like photographs, to accompany the text.

You could have inserted one, after the 'refused to comment'.

garinda · 23-03-2010, 11:39

Quote:

Originally Posted by Less

Either version is close enough for our Editorial staff, your hired.

We have just the right storyline for you, How do you feel about doing an Exclusive about a Queer bashing man of the cloth who's holy orders seem to have become a tangled mess of messages, they have now drawn him into the even more fantasy laden world of Politics?

I have some professional and moral standards, and I'm not willing to take part in any plans to bash the Bishop, local or not.

Less · 23-03-2010, 11:43

Quote:

Originally Posted by garinda

I have some professional and moral standards, and I'm not willing to take part in any plans to bash the Bishop, local or not.

Strange, I thought, given the possibilities, he could have been right up your alley!

garinda · 23-03-2010, 11:46

Before I sign my contract, which would prevent me from entering, could I give you my entries for glasses wearer of the year, and the bonny baby competitions, please?

Less · 23-03-2010, 11:48

Well, I'd love to stay and chat but I've got an exclusive to make up and there is a certain pervayor, (damn that spell checker I KNOW WHAT I MEAN, if I'd wanted to say purveyor I would have typed seller), of ales that I hope to go under-cover with.

garinda · 23-03-2010, 11:50

Quote:

Originally Posted by Less

Strange, I thought, given the possibilities, he could have been right up your alley!

Besides my moral stance not to partake, I fear any bashing might be enjoyed by the victim, which is another reason I will have to decline covering the story.

Less · 23-03-2010, 11:57

Just a quick tip, if you do come across a storyline you think will make us a few pennies and at the same time a fortune for our Barrister, with claims against us for Libel.

The cry is no longer 'stop the Press'.

We are computerised now, you must email us with:-

'Crash the Windows!'

I'll leave you in charge until I get back.

Less · 23-03-2010, 15:04

Well, rindy, I have another exclusive for you to investigate, I know you will be up to it,

STD's How do you tell your loved one? (Oop's perhaps I shouldn't have put that on the www).

I'm itching to know, I will of course pass any comments from other would be reporters to our Hiegenist, erm' Ex spurt, Doctor, in complete publicy, just to find out what other dirty beggars besides me are out there.

I will of course follow the Lanc's Telegraph & the good old Obbo's tradition of naming my source as:-

A Local Website!

Heaven forbid, they get enough publicity out of us, why, Oh, Why, when we feed them the lines, can't they aknowledge we exist?

Easy to copy and paste:-

http://www.accringtonweb.com/forum/

Tealeaf · 23-03-2010, 16:17

Quote:

Originally Posted by garinda

It's good to see there is still some good local investigative journalism, but the layout seems a little old fashioned, if I might dare say.

Readers today today like photographs, to accompany the text.

You could have inserted one, after the 'refused to comment'.

Is this Ken Moss? It's always nice to know what the new members look like.

garinda · 23-03-2010, 17:12

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tealeaf

Is this Ken Moss? It's always nice to know what the new members look like.

That's Red Ken.

(Red after his rosaria, not his politics.)

I do hope we're in for a virtual slap, for not showing enough reverence, to those seeking political office.

Ken Moss · 25-03-2010, 15:37

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tealeaf

Is this Ken Moss? It's always nice to know what the new members look like.

A nice bit of investigative journalism going on here. If you had bothered to check your facts you would find I was suffering from Beardus Elongata at the time and the most commonly used remedy was Special Brew. Unfortunately, the local apothecary could only supply me with a palliative known as 'cabernet sauvignon'.

This thread is typical of the gutter press we prospective candidates can expect these days in simply trying to serve our country.