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| Anything Goes Anything goes.....well, you'll get away with more here than anywhere else on Accyweb! But remember, we are a child friendly forum! |
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Welcome to Accrington Web! We are a discussion forum dedicated to the towns of Accrington, Oswaldtwistle and the surrounding areas, sometimes referred to as Hyndburn! We are a friendly bunch please feel free to browse or read on for more info. You are currently viewing our site as a guest which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community you will have access to post topics, photos, play in the community arcade and use our blog section. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free, so please, join our community today! |
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21-06-2004, 14:56
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#31 |
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Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Far Far Away
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Re: Steve's Handy tips
Better still, make it look like you are breathing in while someone else breaths out.
That way, they get blamed for the stink ! |
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03-07-2004, 20:56
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#32 |
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I am Band
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Overlooking 22 yards
Posts: 1,321
Liked: 3 times
Rep Power: 56
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Re: Steve's Handy tips
Housewives:
When nipping out to the shops, remember to carry a stiff broom in the boot of your car. Use it to sweep the broken glass to the side of the road every time you have a minor accident.
__________________
Connect it: Red > Yellow, Yellow > Blue, & Blew to ....'kin bits! Any ramblings, meanderings, thoughts or musings are mine and mine alone. Any opinions expressed are Lettie's! 
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10-07-2004, 21:37
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#33 |
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I am Band
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Overlooking 22 yards
Posts: 1,321
Liked: 3 times
Rep Power: 56
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Re: Steve's Handy tips
Taxi Drivers.
Why not pop into the garage and ask them to fix your indicators lights for you so that other motorists know where the f*ck you're going!
__________________
Connect it: Red > Yellow, Yellow > Blue, & Blew to ....'kin bits! Any ramblings, meanderings, thoughts or musings are mine and mine alone. Any opinions expressed are Lettie's!
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22-07-2004, 21:06
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#34 |
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Filthy / Gorgeous
 Bejeweled Blitz Champion!Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Xanadu
Posts: 4,004
Blog Entries: 337
Liked: 66 times
Rep Power: 88669
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Re: Steve's Handy tips
Bus Drivers
Pretend you're an airline pilot by wedging your accelerator pedal down with a heavy book, securing the steering wheel with some old rope, and then strolling back along the bus chatting casually to the passengers.
__________________
 Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.The views expressed here are my own and not necessarily those of my family, friends, employer, this site, my neighbours, hairdresser, dentist, GP, next door's dog or anyone else who knows me..
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04-08-2004, 07:07
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#35 |
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Filthy / Gorgeous
Bejeweled Blitz Champion!Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Xanadu
Posts: 4,004
Blog Entries: 337
Liked: 66 times
Rep Power: 88669
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Re: Steve's Handy tips
Old telephone books make ideal personal
address books. Simply cross out the names and addresses of people you don't know.  Fool other drivers into thinking you have an expensive car phone by holding an old TV or video remote control up to your ear and occasionally swerving across the road and mounting the curb. Lose weight quickly by eating raw pork and rancid tuna. You might find that the subsequent food poisoning will enable you to lose 12 pounds in only two days. Avoid parking tickets by leaving your windscreen wipers turned to fast wipe whenever you leave your car parked illegally.
__________________
Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.The views expressed here are my own and not necessarily those of my family, friends, employer, this site, my neighbours, hairdresser, dentist, GP, next door's dog or anyone else who knows me..
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04-08-2004, 12:20
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#36 |
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Full Member
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 478
Liked: 0 times
Rep Power: 42
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Re: Steve's Handy tips
Create 'chocolate-flavoured' toothpaste by simply eating a Mars bars whilst brushing your teeth.
Does/did anyone here read the Top-Tips section in Viz? Some laugh-till-you-cry classic in there over the years.
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None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free. |
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17-08-2004, 18:07
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#37 |
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I am Band
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Overlooking 22 yards
Posts: 1,321
Liked: 3 times
Rep Power: 56
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Re: Steve's Handy tips
Late for Work?
Tape a mousetrap to the top of your alarm clock. Never again will you fall asleep when you reach for the snooze button.
__________________
Connect it: Red > Yellow, Yellow > Blue, & Blew to ....'kin bits! Any ramblings, meanderings, thoughts or musings are mine and mine alone. Any opinions expressed are Lettie's!
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17-08-2004, 20:41
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#38 |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Far Far Away
Posts: 755
Liked: 0 times
Rep Power: 850
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Re: Steve's Handy tips
When purchasing a new 3 piece leather suite costing over £2.5k it pays to make sure that it actually fits in your living room.
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17-10-2004, 12:10
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#39 |
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I am Band
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Overlooking 22 yards
Posts: 1,321
Liked: 3 times
Rep Power: 56
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Re: Steve's Handy tips
Housewives
If you need a pan scourer, a shredded wheat filled with pink soap makes an inexpensive brillo pad.
__________________
Connect it: Red > Yellow, Yellow > Blue, & Blew to ....'kin bits! Any ramblings, meanderings, thoughts or musings are mine and mine alone. Any opinions expressed are Lettie's!
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06-12-2004, 21:01
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#40 |
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I am Band
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Overlooking 22 yards
Posts: 1,321
Liked: 3 times
Rep Power: 56
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Re: Steve's Handy tips
Short of Money?
Buy the kids a set of batteries each at Christmas, with the message, "Toys not included!"
__________________
Connect it: Red > Yellow, Yellow > Blue, & Blew to ....'kin bits! Any ramblings, meanderings, thoughts or musings are mine and mine alone. Any opinions expressed are Lettie's!
Last edited by Sparkologist; 06-12-2004 at 21:24. Reason: Wysiwyg editor ain't all it's cracked up to be! |
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06-12-2004, 21:23
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#41 |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: accrington
Posts: 1,746
Liked: 5 times
Rep Power: 652
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Re: Steve's Handy tips
Or you could give them an empty box and tell them it was an Action Man Deserter.
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06-12-2004, 23:19
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#42 | |
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Resident Waffler
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Accrington, Hyndburn
Posts: 18,142
Blog Entries: 14
Liked: 14 times
Rep Power: 1061
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Re: Steve's Handy tips
Quote:
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06-12-2004, 23:29
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#43 | |
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Always EVIL within us
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Accrington
Posts: 1,568
Blog Entries: 4
Liked: 40 times
Rep Power: 1668
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Re: Steve's Handy tips
Quote:
 
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Pray that there is intelligent life somewhere up in space, 'Cause there's Bu""er all down here on Earth - (Eric Idle) |
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