Thank you to everyone who sent me emails last year......you have changed my life!

WillowTheWhisp · 05-01-2007, 15:24

I must especially thank whoever sent me the one about rat poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.

Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the £150,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are going to send me for participating in their special e-mail program.

I no longer need to worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you all, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy petrol without taking a man along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling the tank.

I no longer use clingfilm because it causes cancer.

And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer linger in shopping centres because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda, Singapore , and Uzbekistan .

I no longer have any trainers -- but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike .

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

Thank you too for all the endless advice Andy Rooney has given us. I can live a better life now because he's told us how to fix everything.

And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up £5.00 I see dropped in the car park because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

If you don't copy and paste this and e-mail it to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician...

A South American scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read the posts on a message board with their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

Have a wonderful day....

flashy · 05-01-2007, 16:06

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

mrskitty · 05-01-2007, 16:14

OMG that is sooo funny!
karma on its way for sharing that with us willow,thankyou x

LancYorkYankee · 05-01-2007, 17:44

Aye Willow, that was quite cute. However, I've only found 213 people to forward it to. Do you think the omening dissaster will be counted out on some type of decending scale? I don't mine the hairy hump but would like to avoid the fleas!

Brian

Sara · 05-01-2007, 17:50

Quote:

Originally Posted by LancYorkYankee

Aye Willow, that was quite cute. However, I've only found 213 people to forward it to. Do you think the omening dissaster will be counted out on some type of decending scale? I don't mine the hairy hump but would like to avoid the fleas!

Brian

No need to worry it's after 5pm.