The rough guide to common sports

[Less]

Less' rough guide to Common sports
I've tried to place the items in alphabetical order:-

Angling- the art of sitting on the bank of a large stretch of water staring out into the distance whilst trying to drown as many worms as possible.

Bowls- A game of marbles for grown ups but not as friendly.

Cycling- a race usually in built up areas during rush hour the aim of which is the winner is the person that breaks the most rules from the highway code in the shortest distance.

Darts- the challenge is to be able to do mental arithmatic in a loud voice whilst two over-weight drunks try to put you off by throwing sharp sticks at a wall.

E

Football- two teams of eleven men trying to kick each other senseless when they think the man in black isn't looking.

Golf- a collection of two or more people with the minimum of dress sense trying to convince every-one else that they are the centre of the universe.

Hockey Similar to football but they have big curved sticks with which to break the opponents legs.

Ice-skating threatening a member of the opposite sex with razor sharp attachments to the soles of their shoes, while listening to music.

Judo people in loose fitting white clothing trying to rip the lapels off each others jackets.

Karate similar attire to Judo but this time, attacking defensless pieces of wood & proving that the mind can control the agony caused by breaking your hand against a concrete block.

L

Motor Racing (Grande Prix) Similar to commuting on the M25 in that no matter how fast you want to go there is always some-one in front of you going much slower & there is nowhere to overtake.

N

O

Ping-pong two people at opposite ends of a dinner table trying to shell a hard boiled egg & making as much irritating noise from their specially designed squeeky shoes.

Quoits Played mainly on board Liners, the idea being to take the minds of those that over-indulged the night before off the rolling action of the ship, the winner is usually the last one to hang over the rail & give a techni-coloured yawn.

Roller blading a mixture of cycling & Ice-skating in that it is always done in built up areas during rush hour but to music from a very loud walkman that can be heard three streets away going ctcha, ctcha, boiwng, boiwng, boinwng

Side car racing two men on a motor bike with three wheels the one at the controls trying his best to keep the equilibrium whilst the other wanders all over the flimsy platform attached trying to throw the balance out.

T

U

Volley ball I've no idea, but I enjoy watching the womans matches!

W

X-ray the art of showing a picture of a broken bone to a solicitor after playing football or hockey, especially if the man in black has actually witnessed it.

Y

Zoom the lense favoured by photographers of womans Volley Ball.

I know there a still some to fill in but I'll get round to them when I've caught up with my sleep, (unless YOU want to do it for me).

[Less]

Tennis a fortnights hibernation from any decent sport on Television in June because of Wimbledon.

[sarnie boy]

W-Water polo-similar to football but instead of kicking each other they normally try to drown thier opponennts
Local matches also mean that the ducks can't have their pond

[sarnie boy]

wow this is a fun game-type thing

[sarnie boy]

N-Netball- girls trying to throw a ball in a hoop smaller than the ball itself

[Sparkologist]

Luge Hurtling down an icy tunnel, at break-neck speed, trying hard not to break you neck, on your Granny's favourite silver tea tray.

[sarnie boy]

O-orienteering-put in laments terms is basically nipping to the shop over a muddy hill

[sarnie boy]

K-kite surfing-people who cant be arsed doin proper sport holding a long piece of string in a gale force hurricane