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Welcome to Accrington Web! We are a discussion forum dedicated to the towns of Accrington, Oswaldtwistle and the surrounding areas, sometimes referred to as Hyndburn! We are a friendly bunch please feel free to browse or read on for more info. You are currently viewing our site as a guest which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community you will have access to post topics, photos, play in the community arcade and use our blog section. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free, so please, join our community today! |
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18-03-2009, 20:58
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#1 |
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Passed away 25-11-09
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Lymm, Cheshire
Posts: 2,674
Blog Entries: 147
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The Young Priest
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he couldn't stand still. He asked Father Murphy for some advice. Father Murphy replied, "When I'm worried about gettin' nervous on the pulpit, I take a wee bit o' whiskey. Just to calm my nerves." So the next Sunday he took the older priest's advice. Before the mass, he got nervous and took a drink. He then proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon return to his office after mass, he found the following note on his door:
1. A few sips of whiskey. Not the whole bottle. 2. There are 10 commandments, not 12. 3. There are 12 disciples, not 10. 4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated. 5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass. 6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C. 7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Senior, Junior, and the Spook. 8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the Shakespeare out of him. 9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say "He was stoned off his ass." 10. We do not refer to the cross as the Big T! 11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it, for it is my body"; he did not say, "Eat me." 12. The Virgin Mary is not referred to as the, "Mary with the Cherry". 13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: "Rub-A-dub-dub, thanks for the grub, yea God." 14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy-pulling contest at St. Patrick's, not a patrick-pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
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* Some cinemas let the flying monkeys in............and some don't. |
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18-03-2009, 21:48
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#2 |
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I am Banned
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Accrington.
Posts: 4,627
Liked: 601 times
Rep Power: 0
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Re: The Young Priest
That ones a belter. West Ender.
Retlaw |
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20-03-2009, 00:21
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#3 |
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Coffin Dodger.
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Clayton End owd farts.
Posts: 50,897
Blog Entries: 1
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Rep Power: 798549
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Re: The Young Priest
love it west ender.
__________________
N.L.T.B.G.Y.D. Do not argue with an idiot, they will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience. 
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20-03-2009, 12:18
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#5 |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 1,354
Liked: 24 times
Rep Power: 2640
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Re: The Young Priest
It made me smile,lol
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