There's Gold in that thar Hill

Less · 18-03-2006, 23:18

Well, we have talked about alot of things that are needed to be done to improve the area, The market needs more trade, we need to attract more work into the area, something needs to be done to enable a lowering of council taxes and at the same time local services need to be improved, the list seems endless, however with a little imagination I think we have a virtual gold mine right on our doorstep that can solve everything if we all work together.

Below is a brief list of how we can all, 'by this time next year be millionaires', (where have I heard that before?).

1/ Gayle, I want you to get in touch with the lottery for a grant for say a ton of Iron Pyrite (fools gold) and a couple of ounces of Gold nuggets.
2/ P.B. we need your full co-operation in this one, as our glorious leader you will be in charge of organising permits to dig and mining claims.
3/ All market stall holders will need to corner the market for picks, shovels, pit props and gold panning equipment.
4/ We need some-one willing to look after and rent out the mules, Garinda, what is the going rate at the moment for selling your ass?
5/ There will be a need for reliable guides those willing to take on the job must try to look the part, full beard, talk gibberish and hit a spitoon from 50 yards, (Ladies please keep the beards trimmed you don't want your partner to be jealous).
6/ Mantrabooks, can we leave you to organise the printing and selling of maps of the Coppice?
7/ The rest of the list will be sorted once we have formed a proper committee, (oh, hell thats killed any chance of profit straight away!).

All sensible ideas to assist in this can be posted below.

I think by now some of you will be getting an idea of where I'm going with this, we will need the full co-operation of the Observer to give the plan publicity (they will gain by selling more papers).
What we will have to do is spread the iron pyrite randomly over the Coppice and send some of our more convincing actors to the surrounding towns where they are to burst through the doors of the local Wetherspoons/Last order Pubs and in a very loud voice announce to all and sundry, "Gold, Gold, 'dem dang Accritonians they found gold in the Coppice!", at this point our actor will open a little leather pouch (similar to Mandys' tiny draw string hand bag) and scatter the genuine gold on the bar top for all to see. No need to travel too far from home word of mouth will do the rest.
Within hours of these scenes the town will be full of gullible and greedy prospectors willing to pay top prices for the equipment and the local knowledge of where the best gold seams are at.
In a few days time we will also have cornered the tourist industry as people flock to the town to watch the mobs go from pub to pub pulling out claim jumpers and lynching them.

By the way Acrylic Bob, can you get your cake production line going on overtime producing beans and bacon pies? I believe thats what prospectors eat.

SPUGGIE J · 19-03-2006, 00:05

Tops Less absolute tops.

Got rid of the face fuzz but could hit the spittoon.

Tinkerbelle · 19-03-2006, 00:29

Goldarn it! The injuns on blackburn road are sending smoke signals that theres a sale on http://www.treasuremate.net/

Doug · 19-03-2006, 00:37

Strange looking rabbit is that Tinks……

What sort of mining have you got in mind

Less · 19-03-2006, 01:36

As tinks pointed out to me earlier, the adverts on this page are worth a quick visit!

we're gonna be rich I tell ya, rich beyond our wildest dreams!!!

Mick · 19-03-2006, 12:26

Right i have just worked it out,............if i knock the little wall down in the yard i can get 12 tents in there 2 more in each spare room so 16 tents at £100 a week thats £1600 a week plus beans on toast for breakfast £10 sausages and beans for tea £20 they can go to the stag for dinner we can make a little money out of this .........

katex · 19-03-2006, 12:47

Perhaps us ladies could provide an 'important' service and I could be their madam ?

Well, the men will be missing their women folks I reckon

Gayle · 19-03-2006, 13:28

Less, it's really good of you to offer to dig the coppice up - are you planning on laying the foundations for a large scale public art sculpture up there? What a cheap way of getting someone to do all the hard work for us - why didn't we think of that?

Less · 19-03-2006, 13:43

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gayle

Less, it's really good of you to offer to dig the coppice up - are you planning on laying the foundations for a large scale public art sculpture up there? What a cheap way of getting someone to do all the hard work for us - why didn't we think of that?

Calm down Gayle sorry to disappoint you but, this has nothing to do with your standing water mosquito breeding project!
After we've milked erm given a good service to the greedy and gullible, we will be able to give guided tours to the curious and gullible:-

Come and visit the old workings of the coppice gold mines.

Your chance to stay in the very tents the original miners slept in contact Mick for bookings and prices.

Then when that idea dies we'll bribe, (I mean commission) a leading archeologist to put his name to claiming that the Coppice is in actual fact the oldest and largest man made barrow in the land.

Maybe then you can put something sensible on top of it such as a life size replica of stone henge, though with all the digging that will have gone on I don't think the foundations will be up to much!

Gayle · 19-03-2006, 17:03

Fair enough, whenever you want me to start organising the launch party let me know! lol

Less · 19-03-2006, 23:50

Doug · 20-03-2006, 00:48

Maybe this isn’t such a bad idea….after all they have a Treacle Mine at Sabden and a few old hags up at Pendle. Why can’t we come up with something for the Coppice?

We could weave in a magical deep and mysterious tunnel that leads to Kirk at Church and then on to Ozzy Mills, Lets face it it’s full of Goblins and the like.

garinda · 20-03-2006, 00:51

Renting out my ass?

However much I could get for ya.

staggeringman · 20-03-2006, 01:53

Quote:

Originally Posted by Doug

Maybe this isn’t such a bad idea….after all they have a Treacle Mine at Sabden and a few old hags up at Pendle. Why can’t we come up with something for the Coppice?

We could weave in a magical deep and mysterious tunnel that leads to Kirk at Church and then on to Ozzy Mills, Lets face it it’s full of Goblins and the like.

doug you calling my wife...

Mick · 20-03-2006, 06:58

Doug just to let you know the Treacle Mine at Sabden closed down about 8 years ago the boggets mined it all out.