Things You Learn From The Movies

[West Ender]

Large, loft-style apartments in New York City are well within the price range of most people--whether they are employed or not.

At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.

Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't worry which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one.

Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications system of any invading alien society.

It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts--your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.

When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.

Radiation cause interesting mutations--not to your future children, but to you, right then and there.

If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to become a world expert on nuclear fission at the age of 22.

Honest and hard working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.

Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their archenemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers, and man-eating sharks, which will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.

During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.

Most dogs are immortal.

All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets that reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.

All grocery shopping bags contain at least one loaf of French bread.

It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.

Once applied, lipstick will never rub off--even while scuba diving.

The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.

You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.

The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.

A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.

Kitchens don't have light switches.

If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises wearing their most revealing underwear.

Word processors never display a cursor on screen but will always say: Enter Password Now.

Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.

It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone conversations.

Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.

All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.

A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.

Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.

When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.

Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment.

Your clothes never need ironing.

Your bank account has either no money in it or a couple of million.

[cashman]

i knew that already.

[jaysay]

The last one is very much applicable to me West Ender, and no I haven't got £2 million in my account, unfortunately

[accyman]

not to sleep with women with huge adams apples

crying game

[Less]

Originally Posted by jaysay

The last one is very much applicable to me West Ender, and no I haven't got £2 million in my account, unfortunately

How much would you like to borrow?

My partner in crime, (Carol Vorderman) and I, think you deserve to put all your eggs in one basket so you can watch us slowly stamp on them and help you realise your dreams of a debt free life will never come true!

[wadey]

Yes and if you wish to visit the derelict house on the edge of town always pop in when it's dark and windy

[wadey]

and the main suspect in crime dramas has never done it

[wadey]

Cops have never got over the brutal death of their previous partner

[wadey]

and there is always somewhere to park even in cities

[Caz]

People don't seem to need to use the loo much.

They can talk to some one, making eye contact, whilst driving with out causing an accident.

Also in a similar vein:

No one in Corrie watches TV at 7.30, Monday, Wednesday or Friday.

The people in the adverts for cleaners always wait until their appliances are absolutely filthy before they clean them.

[steeljack]

Originally Posted by accyman

not to sleep with women with huge adams apples

a lesson I learned 30 years ago on Patpong st. after a six month stint in Saudi it wasn't like I was going to bring it back to Arrod

[emamum]

after you have killed the monster dont ever say its ok now, its never really dead!!

its not movies but... no one on eastenders owns a washing machine, children in soaps dont need babysitters and no matter how skint they are they manage to spend all their time in a pub!

[wadey]

Don't forget to go to the cafe about ten yards from your house every time you want a brew and always have a few pints at lunchtime especially if you are a mechanic or driver and never ever shop at one of the big supermarkets

[emamum]

heres one from star trek...... if you are new you WILL die in this episode!

[wadey]

Unless you wish to murdered never book into a hotel where a well known detective is stopping