Too Much And Far Too Late!

Less · 23-09-2010, 17:31

I'm sat in the pub minding my own business this 'Lady of the night', approaches me, now at the time I didn't know her profession and I must admit for a few moments I thought my luck was in, (it was broad daylight, why is she known as a lady of the night?).

She wasn't young and she wasn't what I'd call a looker, but she was tidy.
Being old and innocent I didn't realise at first where she was taking the conversation, but she said she could give me a good time for £30, (is that the going rate? Or was she being kind to me?).
Anyway I was surprisingly chuffed a woman paying attention to me for SEX!

I eventually declined, I told her it's too much effort, she asked is it the price? We can talk about the price.

No I replied, it would be too much effort because I'd have to go home for a bath first!

jaysay · 23-09-2010, 17:34

Quote:

Originally Posted by Less

I'm sat in the pub minding my own business this 'Lady of the night', approaches me, now at the time I didn't know her profession and I must admit for a few moments I thought my luck was in, (it was broad daylight, why is she known as a lady of the night?).

She wasn't young and she wasn't what I'd call a looker, but she was tidy.
Being old and innocent I didn't realise at first where she was taking the conversation, but she said she could give me a good time for £30, (is that the going rate? Or was she being kind to me?).
Anyway I was surprisingly chuffed a woman paying attention to me for SEX!

I eventually declined, I told her it's too much effort, she asked is it the price? We can talk about the price.

No I replied, it would be too much effort because I'd have to go home for a bath first!

Forever the gent Less

Less · 23-09-2010, 17:51

If I'd really been thinking I could have paid for 'extras', it's a long time since I've had a women scrub my back.

Margaret Pilkington · 23-09-2010, 18:12

and powder your creases....

Less · 23-09-2010, 18:23

Quote:

Originally Posted by Margaret Pilkington

and powder your creases....

Gosh Margaret, you know what a man wants, what are you up to and can you afford the taxi fare for me to get there?

Retlaw · 23-09-2010, 19:01

Quote:

Originally Posted by Less

I'm sat in the pub minding my own business this 'Lady of the night', approaches me, now at the time I didn't know her profession and I must admit for a few moments I thought my luck was in, (it was broad daylight, why is she known as a lady of the night?).

She wasn't young and she wasn't what I'd call a looker, but she was tidy.
Being old and innocent I didn't realise at first where she was taking the conversation, but she said she could give me a good time for £30, (is that the going rate? Or was she being kind to me?).
Anyway I was surprisingly chuffed a woman paying attention to me for SEX!

I eventually declined, I told her it's too much effort, she asked is it the price? We can talk about the price.

No I replied, it would be too much effort because I'd have to go home for a bath first!

Tha shud a gin her the 30 quid an towd er to go to Specsavers.

Retlaw

Less · 23-09-2010, 19:27

Quote:

Originally Posted by Retlaw

Tha shud a gin her the 30 quid an towd er to go to Specsavers.

Retlaw

I think her guide dog was a touch aggressive, any movement towards her for anything may have been painful.

vera · 23-09-2010, 19:37

It could only happen to you Less

:rofl38

Margaret Pilkington · 23-09-2010, 20:17

Quote:

Originally Posted by Less

Gosh Margaret, you know what a man wants, what are you up to and can you afford the taxi fare for me to get there?

Of course I do Less.......they want a good home cooked meal, a pint of something cold with condensation on the glass, a pretty smiling wench to serve it(and perhaps them).......a good program on the TV(possibly a footie match with their team winning) and then a warm welcome under the duvet. Simple souls they are....pleased by simple things....a bit like babies. If they are fed, winded, warmed and entertained they are usually no trouble.
Alas Less I already have one male in my life......and sometimes I would swop him for two empty pop bottles.....so I courteously decline your offer for me to pay the taxi fare for a back scrub and a powdering of your creases...we would both get into a lot of trouble!

Margaret Pilkington · 23-09-2010, 20:19

And I hate to say this.......it wouldn't be worth it!

Less · 23-09-2010, 20:27

Quote:

Originally Posted by Margaret Pilkington

Of course I do Less.......they want a good home cooked meal, a pint of something cold with condensation on the glass, a pretty smiling wench to serve it(and perhaps them).......a good program on the TV(possibly a footie match with their team winning) and then a warm welcome under the duvet. Simple souls they are....pleased by simple things....a bit like babies. If they are fed, winded, warmed and entertained they are usually no trouble.
Alas Less I already have one male in my life......and sometimes I would swop him for two empty pop bottles.....so I courteously decline your offer for me to pay the taxi fare for a back scrub and a powdering of your creases...we would both get into a lot of trouble!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Margaret Pilkington

And I hate to say this.......it wouldn't be worth it!

Oooooh! You have a way with words, (I doubt that I'll sleep tonight).

Margaret Pilkington · 23-09-2010, 20:45

I have a little something that might help you out with that.............

(the not sleeping)

A hammer!

Less · 23-09-2010, 21:10

Quote:

Originally Posted by Margaret Pilkington

I have a little something that might help you out with that.............

(the not sleeping)

A hammer!

I've never tried that position, please be careful with my glass back, but carry on!

Margaret Pilkington · 24-09-2010, 06:40

I don't believe you Less. I have heard that you are a well travelled man of the world.

As for the hammer........well, that was to be used as a primitive anaesthetic......primitive, because a wallop on the wrong spot means a peaceful sleep forever........and too much force has the same effect too.........and then there would be the blood to get rid of. No, let's not bother......you can get pills for insomnia now.

Studio25 · 24-09-2010, 07:09

Quote:

Originally Posted by Less

...I didn't realise at first where she was taking the conversation, but she said she could give me a good time for £30, (is that the going rate? Or was she being kind to me?).
Anyway I was surprisingly chuffed a woman paying attention to me for SEX!...

You should have kept her going for a bit, asking if the rate was negotiable. Then fake shock when you realise that she wants you to pay her for sex...