Uncle Less's accyweb T-Shirt

[Gayle]

Less, I'm sorry to be the voice of reason and put the kibosh on your little trip.

But it's not just a case of getting permission slips these days.

Have you made sure that the coach is fully seatbelted and have you done your risk assessment? Don't forget when doing your risk assessment that you need to include such things as 'will anyone get burnt' and 'will anyone get wet' so you need to bring sun tan cream and umbrellas for every eventuality - I'm a little concerned about the scissors.

Have you got at least one CRB checked person for every other three people? If not, then it could take at least three weeks before you're allowed to set off on your little trip.

You also need to ensure that you are making this trip all inclusive - have you got your quota of Asian, BME, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender people invited?

What are you going to do about the less able amongst your group, not everyone is capable of writing slogans - do you have spare slogans written to hand out just in case anyone feels discriminated against.

Again, with lunches, have you made provision for those poor souls whose parents are too busy or too forgetful to make lunch? You will need to take at least four lunches spare, just in case, and remember these must be halal, kosher and vegetarian.

Photo permissions - you must remember that anyone who sends in a slip allowing them to come, must have permission to be on any photograph taken. Anyone under the age of 16 needs to have a photo slip. I suggest the four page permission slip suggested by the Arts Council as a starting point.

I think that's more or less covered the red tape involved - do you still want to go?

[Lilly]

Originally Posted by Gayle

Less, I'm sorry to be the voice of reason and put the kibosh on your little trip.

But it's not just a case of getting permission slips these days.

Have you made sure that the coach is fully seatbelted and have you done your risk assessment? Don't forget when doing your risk assessment that you need to include such things as 'will anyone get burnt' and 'will anyone get wet' so you need to bring sun tan cream and umbrellas for every eventuality - I'm a little concerned about the scissors.

Have you got at least one CRB checked person for every other three people? If not, then it could take at least three weeks before you're allowed to set off on your little trip.

You also need to ensure that you are making this trip all inclusive - have you got your quota of Asian, BME, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender people invited?

What are you going to do about the less able amongst your group, not everyone is capable of writing slogans - do you have spare slogans written to hand out just in case anyone feels discriminated against.

Again, with lunches, have you made provision for those poor souls whose parents are too busy or too forgetful to make lunch? You will need to take at least four lunches spare, just in case, and remember these must be halal, kosher and vegetarian.

Photo permissions - you must remember that anyone who sends in a slip allowing them to come, must have permission to be on any photograph taken. Anyone under the age of 16 needs to have a photo slip. I suggest the four page permission slip suggested by the Arts Council as a starting point.

I think that's more or less covered the red tape involved - do you still want to go?

Lol Gayle. That's so true! Karma on its way

[Uncle Mick]

Originally Posted by katex

Am now going to press the report button and seek the sympathy of Uncle Mick.

You have my sympathies, Kate..now whats a report button??

[katex]

Originally Posted by Uncle Mick

You have my sympathies, Kate..now whats a report button??

LOL .. you cuckoo, meant Mick the moderator, forgot about you.

[Uncle Mick]

Forgot about me!!!!!!!
I`ve never been so insulted!
I`m going to get Shady McGough on to you...and he`s Scottish

[katex]

Originally Posted by Uncle Mick

Forgot about me!!!!!!!
I`ve never been so insulted!
I`m going to get Shady McGough on to you...and he`s Scottish

Is he really? didn't know that . anyway .. he is smaller than me, so not scared at all .

[LancYorkYankee]

Originally Posted by katex

Well, I for one am highly disappointed. I was getting quite excited for a while, believing this was an honest invitation to an exciting day out.

I duly sat at the front with Mez and listened open-mouthed as the details unfolded - did shudder a little at the cost, but presumed an overnight stay in a 5-Star hotel would probably be included.

I had dreams and visions of us all walking arm in arm on the prom, Mez on one side of me, Garinda on the other, stick of rock in me gob with large toffee lollipot in hand awaiting space. A photographer would ask our line of members to smile and keep in step, and an image would be presented to us to insert in my 'Memories of Yesteryear' diary.

Perhaps Slinky could have introduced me to one of those exciting rides on the Pleasure Beach (before the Strongbow, of course)

Buckets and spades would have been the order of the day, and I could have lifted my skirt and had a paddle and, eew yes, playfully splashed Less in the face only to run off in fits of giggles at my mischievousness.

Could have gone to a tea dance after too, and made slides out of that powdery stuff they scatter on the dance floor to make it slippy.

Nightime falls, and we could have gone back to our hotel, glam'd up and hit the town .. caught the lit up tram and called in all the pubs back to our welcoming bed.

Could have chosen the Mafia T-shirt too .. fancy being a Gangster's Moll.

NOW REALISE .. this is just a con job .. Less extracting money from us for his pleasures and wasn't really going to take us all at all ... sob, sob.

Am now going to press the report button and seek the sympathy of Uncle Mick.

Sounds like a Grand Plan Kate. Much more imaniginative the Less'. Plus a whole lot cheaper. This would be worth a flight over. Although I would expect a hat to go with the sweatshirt!

Brian

[Less]

Originally Posted by Gayle

Again, with lunches, have you made provision for those poor souls whose parents are too busy or too forgetful to make lunch? You will need to take at least four lunches spare, just in case, and remember these must be halal, kosher and vegetarian.


I think that's more or less covered the red tape involved - do you still want to go?

Well you've stirred up a whole P.C. can of worms there haven't you Gayle?

I may get around to answering a few of your questions but I don't know really just where to begin,

so I'll jump in feet first with the question of lunches, 4 cans of strongbow are an ideal ingredient for a traditional Blackpool lunch and if mummy isn't capable of opening her fridge and giving the little sweetie some of her private stock then I don't know what the world is coming too!

As you may have noticed at a few of the accyweb meets I have an adequately proportioned 'lunchbox' capable of holding enough for any little darling that needs me to supply them with succour.

So far as the halal, kosher and vegetarian problem, you will surely have noticed four cans of Strongbow are perfectly acceptable for any of the above faiths due to the fact cider does not contain anything from the grape or grain, no pork products, and not only is this diet suitable for vegetarians but it is also suitable for their heavy militia members 'the vegans' because there are no milk or poultry product used in the production of this nutritional meal.

P.S. will you please stop P.M.-ing me? I told you the first time you will not be required as one of the responsible adults due to the fact I don't intend to take any responsible adults just normal human beings, if however you would care to let your hair down and show us your irresponsible side I can guarantee you a seat next to the driver for the outward journey and a place on the back seats for the return where you will be in an advantageous position to be able to inspect the boys knees just to see if they have wiped all the sand off.

[Mick]

Well i have packed the emergency backup car ready uncle less
there is a bottle of bacardi in the glove box too
sorry should have said 1/2 bottle of bacardi dont want to spoil the lady's do we

[davo69]

got my cider in ready but had to have one

[Gayle]

Originally Posted by Less

P.S. will you please stop P.M.-ing me? I told you the first time you will not be required as one of the responsible adults due to the fact I don't intend to take any responsible adults just normal human beings, if however you would care to let your hair down and show us your irresponsible side I can guarantee you a seat next to the driver for the outward journey and a place on the back seats for the return where you will be in an advantageous position to be able to inspect the boys knees just to see if they have wiped all the sand off.

I'll have you know that I have an irresponsible side - I once ate four whole jaffa cakes all in one sitting - crazy, wild animal that I am! I really don't know where you get the idea from that I am humourless and miserable, my hair is often let down!

The offer of the front seat on the outward bound sounds acceptable but I'm a bit concerned about the back seat and all the knees that will be on show. However, to prove that I am nothing if not flexible, I will bring along an industrial pack of wet wipes to personally clean any knees that are not up to my exacting standards. We don't want to get health and safety involved here do we?

I have another concern which should have been raised on my initial post. Where do you stand on singing on the return journey? Obviously, in order to perform drunken renditions of I will walk 1,000 miles and Jailhouse Rock on the way home you will need the relevant performance licences. Also, can I point out that because you will be returning to Accrington in the wee small hours to ensure that you keep the noise down - we don't want a noise abatement order slapping on Accyweb do we?

Finally, please stop PMing me. I have got enough pictures of your knees and will now be able to identify them in any line up! Thank you.

[shillelagh]

I cant remember a trip to blackpool .....

[Mick]

Originally Posted by shillelagh

I cant remember a trip to blackpool .....

You where too drunk to remember anything

[DtheP47]

Originally Posted by shillelagh

I cant remember a trip to blackpool .....

Maybe a session with a hypnotist will help you in remembering what went on in Blackpool with your err' "uncles" shillelagh ?
There may be a case for some compen' there.

[shillelagh]

not allowed near a hypnotist ... id tell too many secrets ....