Uncle Less's Christmas Card

Less · 06-12-2005, 17:27

Hello again my rosey cheeked little urchins, It's been a while since I last saw you but the Doctors said that if I promise to behave I can spend Christmas with my nearest and dearest, What a surprise it was to arrive home and find that my whole family has moved and not left a forwarding address!

Will those of you that Remember me from our other little adventures,

Uncle Less's Car Freshener

and the famous

Uncle Less's colouring Page

Stop hiding behind the sofa and come and join the new children. That's better, so nice to see so many of you finally out of intensive care and the scars are healing so well!

Now for this project what we will need are your felt tip pens, glue, an A4 sheet of paper, an envelope and glitter, Mez please stop that horrific screaming I don't mean the Glitter that visits you at night, I mean the colourful sparkly stuff that comes in lovely colours.

Right now, first of all I want you to fold the sheet of paper in half and then in half again Have you all done that? Good! Lettie put those scissors down we don't need them just yet,

What you now need to do is draw a picture of a nice baby jesus on the front of your card. No Roy I don't want you to draw him in a 4X4 with a bale of hay in it, a nice little crib will do!

How are you all getting on? Lettie put those Scissors down you'll have someones eye out.
Doug, Doug! come away from those sheep they are only here for the nativity.

Now if you will all take the top off your glue carefully, What do mean you haven't got any glue left Bagpuss? Because you put it where? Oh dear Gayles mummy will be surprised when she goes home with such dirty knees, no Bagpuss it won't help if you rub glitter into the skin. The rest of you stop giggling and pointing you know it only encourages him.
Doug, Doug! come away from that ass, I don't know what your trying to do but if he moves away from those steps you'll fall down.

Back to the card yes they are all lovely now while the glue is setting, I want you all to write on the envelopes to Uncle Less care of accyweb.

You done that, right well now go through to the other room were your mummies and daddies are sleeping off the accyweb Christmas meet

Get as much of the paper money you can out of their purses and wallets and put it into the envelopes.

Well Done, now you can lick and seal the envelopes and give them to me.

Don't ask me what to do with the Christmas card Rindy you can throw it in the bin for all I care, I'm happy with these bulging envelopes, I'm off to invest the contents behind the bar at the stag.

Bye for now my little sweets see you next week for the new year celebrations, When we will discuss my famous lecture,
Myth or magic? is it true that some people can actually remember bringing the new year in?

grannyclaret · 06-12-2005, 18:01

nice one less....

BLACKBURN RAVER · 06-12-2005, 18:23

....daft as a brush .....

Gayle · 06-12-2005, 18:40

Sir, sir, please can you stop all those boys from flashing their knees at me? Or at least make them stand in an orderly line!

Less · 06-12-2005, 19:04

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gayle

Sir, sir, please can you stop all those boys from flashing their knees at me? Or at least make them stand in an orderly line!

See how it's already affected you? The one thing your mother always dreaded was one day her unmarried daughter would come home with dirty knees and now your already trying to hide the shame by wearing the trousers! If you want the boys lined up I'm sure you have your own methods of persuasion.

Oh, and by the way No need to call me Sir.

lettie · 06-12-2005, 19:15

p p p p p please Uncle Less......can I use the scissors now?

That naughty Tealeaf has just shown me his African Mole Rat and I think it needs a trim...

mez · 06-12-2005, 21:39

UNCLE WESS MY NOSE FEELS FUNNY .......it might be the glitter.....

WillowTheWhisp · 06-12-2005, 22:39

Unka Less who putted the New year out so somebody had to bring it in again? It wasn't me Unka Less honest it wasn't. I never dun nuffink.

Can I glue it down so it dunt get out again when somebody has brung it back can I? can I? pretty pweeese!?

grannyclaret · 06-12-2005, 22:56

oh i love all these crackpots... i feel quite at home among you ,,,,lol

janet · 07-12-2005, 11:11

Excellent stuff Less. I'm going to give you karma cause I ain't got no money.lol

garinda · 07-12-2005, 13:06

See, I know five years at art school wasn't wasted.

Mine's a pop-up.

MUMMIBOO · 07-12-2005, 14:55

unkle less i have a big hole in my dress now cuz i never lifted the card up when i cutted it, will you tell mum then she wont shout at me. Please!