Old rhyme

[steeljack]

for some reason I allways get "oh Dad why you saying that " from my kids when I recite the following to my grandchilder.....

"Sam Sam dirty old man
washed his face in the frying pan ,
picked his nose with his big toe nail and
combed his hair with a donkeys tail "

[JohnW]

Here's some old stuff from my maternal grandfather:

Owd Johnny Greencap,
Tha's stown my peaswads,
I'm benna tell thy fayther o'er thee,
I nather ceer for thee nor thi fayther,
Nor thi mother who comes fro' Owdam.

--------

Some of the ghosts were short,
Some of the ghosts were tall,
There they sat in the ghastly light,
On the churchyard wall,
They all gave a loud ha ha,
And they all gave a loud ho ho,
I tried to wish them all goodnight,
But, they would not let me go.

-------

Once upon a time, the birds sh*t lime,
And the monkey chewed tobacca,
And the little pigs run,
With their fingers up their bum,
To see what was the matta.

[JohnW]

Here's one of my favourites, it"s by Marriot Edgar:



I'll tell of the Battle of Hastings,
As happened in days long gone by,
When Duke William became King of England,
And 'Arold got shot in the eye.

It were this way - one day in October
The Duke, who were always a toff,
Having no battles on at the moment,
Had given his lads a day off.

They'd all taken boats to go fishing,
When some chap in t'Conqueror's ear
Said 'Let's go and put breeze up the Saxons;'
Said Bill - 'By gum, that's an idea.'

Then turning around to his soldiers,
He lifted his big Norman voice,
Shouting - 'Hands up who's coming to England.'
That was swank 'cos they hadn't no choice.

They started away about tea-time -
The sea was so calm and so still,
And at quarter to ten the next morning
They arrived at a place called Bexhill.

King 'Arold came up as they landed -
His face full of venom and 'ate -
He said 'If you've come for Regatta
You've got here just six weeks too late.'

At this William rose, cool but 'aughty,
And said - 'Give us none of your cheek;
You'd best have your throne re-upholstered;
I'll be wanting to use it next week.'

When 'Arold heard this 'ere defiance,
With rage he turned purple and blue,
And shouted some rude words in Saxon,
To which William answered - 'And you.'

'Twere a beautiful day for a battle;
The Normans set off with a will,
And when both sides was duly assembled,
They tossed for the top of the hill.

King 'Arold he won the advantage,
On the hill-toop he took up his stand,
With his knaves and his cads all around him,
On his 'orse with his 'awk in his 'and.

The Normans had nowt in their favour,
They chance of a victory seemed small,
For the slope of the field were against them,
And the wind in their faces and all.

The kick-off were sharp at two-thirty,
And soon as the whistle had went
Both sides started banging each other
Till the swineherds could hear them in Kent.

The Saxons had best line of forwards,
Well armed both with buckler and sword -
But the Normans had best combination,
And when half-time came neither had scored.

So the Duke called his cohorts together
And said - 'Let's pretend that we're beat,
Once we get Saxons down on the level
We'll cut off their means of retreat.'

So they ran - and the Saxons ran after,
Just exactly as William had planned,
Leaving 'Arold alone on the hill-top
On his 'orse, with his 'awk in his 'and.

When the Conqueror saw what had happened,
A bow and an arrow he drew;
He went right up to 'Arold and shot him.
He were offside, but what could they do?

The Normans turned round in a fury,
And gave back both parry and thrust,
Till the fight were all over bar shouting,
And you couldn't see Saxons for dust.

And after the battle were over
They found 'Arold so stately and grand,
Sitting there with an eye-full of arrow
On his 'orse, with his 'awk in his 'and.

[panther]

by eck johnW thats a long rhyme.....puts mine to shame

[JohnW]

Here's another long un for thi lass, another of my favourites.






THE LION AND ALBERT
by
Marriott Edgar



There's a famous seaside place called Blackpool,
That's noted for fresh-air and fun,
And Mr and Mrs Ramsbottom
Went there with young Albert, their son.

A grand little lad was their Albert
All dressed in his best; quite a swell
'E'd a stick with an 'orse's 'ead 'andle
The finest that Woolworth's could sell.

They didn't think much to the ocean
The waves, they was fiddlin' and small
There was no wrecks... nobody drownded
'Fact, nothing to laugh at, at all.

So, seeking for further amusement
They paid and went into the zoo
Where they'd lions and tigers and cam-els
And old ale and sandwiches too.

There were one great big lion called Wallace
His nose were all covered with scars
He lay in a som-no-lent posture
With the side of his face to the bars.

Now Albert had heard about lions
How they were ferocious and wild
And to see Wallace lying so peaceful
Well... it didn't seem right to the child.

So straight 'way the brave little feller
Not showing a morsel of fear
Took 'is stick with the'orse's 'ead 'andle
And pushed it in Wallace's ear!

You could see that the lion didn't like it
For giving a kind of a roll
He pulled Albert inside the cage with 'im
And swallowed the little lad... whole!

Then Pa, who had seen the occurrence
And didn't know what to do next
Said, "Mother! Yon lions 'et Albert"
And Mother said "Eeh, I am vexed!"

So Mr and Mrs Ramsbottom
Quite rightly, when all's said and done
Complained to the Animal Keeper
That the lion had eaten their son.

The keeper was quite nice about it
He said, "What a nasty mishap
Are you sure that it's your lad he's eaten?"
Pa said, "Am I sure? There's his cap!"

So the manager had to be sent for
He came and he said, "What's to do?"
Pa said, "Yon lion's 'eaten our Albert
And 'im in his Sunday clothes, too."

Then Mother said, "Right's right, young feller
I think it's a shame and a sin
For a lion to go and eat Albert
And after we've paid to come in!"

The manager wanted no trouble
He took out his purse right away
And said, "How much to settle the matter?"
And Pa said "What do you usually pay?"

But Mother had turned a bit awkward
When she thought where her Albert had gone
She said, "No! someone's got to be summonsed"
So that were decided upon.

Round they went to the Police Station
In front of a Magistrate chap
They told 'im what happened to Albert
And proved it by showing his cap.

The Magistrate gave his o-pinion
That no-one was really to blame
He said that he hoped the Ramsbottoms
Would have further sons to their name.

At that Mother got proper blazing
"And thank you, sir, kindly," said she
"What waste all our lives raising children
To feed ruddy lions? Not me!"

[shillelagh]

Hollands Pies
made with flies
concrete bottoms
and iron sides

[panther]

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings' horses and all the kings' men.
Had scrambled eggs for breakfast again

[Pat Porter]

Just googled for "Ching Ching Chinaman - and blow me down if there wasn`t a post from Margaret Pilkington. Mt grandparents were Pilkingtons from Chesterfield! Mum learned the poem from her and used to sing it to me. (I`m nearly 73 now and it suddenly came into my head just this morning - first time since I was a child).

I wonder if we`re related, Margaret! LOL!

[Margaret Pilkington]

Originally Posted by Pat Porter

Just googled for "Ching Ching Chinaman - and blow me down if there wasn`t a post from Margaret Pilkington. Mt grandparents were Pilkingtons from Chesterfield! Mum learned the poem from her and used to sing it to me. (I`m nearly 73 now and it suddenly came into my head just this morning - first time since I was a child).

I wonder if we`re related, Margaret! LOL!

Pat, we must be somewhere along the line.

My Grandmothers family were from Chesterfield, but that does not explain the link as I am Pilkington by Marriage.

[jaysay]

Odd to a mas old age

My days of youth are over
My light is going out
What used to be my sex appeal, is just a water spout
Time was when, of its own accord would from my trousers spring
Now it is a full time job to find the bloody thing
It used to be emberrassing the way it would behave
When earl every morning it stood and watched me shave,
now I'm getting older it far gives me the blues
now it hangs its little head to watch me clean my shoes

[ANNE]

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.
Eating a bunch of bananas. and where do you think he put the skin?
Down his best pyjamas.

[ANNE]

Roses are Red.
violets are blue.
god made little boys handsome.
What happened to you.

Roses are red, cabbages are green.
If my mug is funny, then yours is a scream.