Ferdinands Diary

[Bazf]

While clearing out a house in Leeds a person found a diary belonging to Rio the week before he was tranfered to the scum:
Monday
Well, I've been away on holiday you see, and I've just been told by Mr Grimsdale dat Man U want to sign me. Quite a surprise when day has the likes of Blanc, Brown, Silvestre and da Neville's there already... Oh, now I see.

Anyway, I've been told by da gaffer to fink about wever I want to join them or not, so I decided to draw up a list of da benefits of joining Man U and da benefits of staying at Leeds. It took me a good half an hour to do, even dow I spent just two minutes on Man U.

Man U

Leeds U

£30k extra per week
Champions League football
Better side
Biggest club in the world
Richer club
No competition for centre-back
The opportunity to kick an Argie every day.

.
As you can imagine I couldn't make my mind up, so I picked up the phone and rang the gaffer to ask for 48 hours to fink about it.
"F**k-off, what da hell do I care u cockney edjit!" was the reply.
Note to Rio: I must update the 'Gaffer' entry in my phone to Terry Venables.

Tuesday
Still having trouble deciding what to do, I am staring at my list hoping for somefing to influence my finking.

Den out from the blue (well, actually it was from outside) dare was a knocking on my door. I opened in and saw dis fella dat looked like a Jedi.

'Eh, Rio. I've come to tell you your fortune.' He said with a slight Scottish accent. 'Wicked!' I said and gave him my palms.
'Ah! You we nay be needing that.' He said taking my shoe off. He was obviously a foot reader, although he spent most of his time looking at da top of my foot and I am sure he said somefing like 'at least this meta somefing isn't made of glass'.


Anyway, at da end of it he said:
'Aye, I see red, umm'yes red is better than white'.
I told him dat I wasn't bovered about the colour of the living room and dat I would be glad if he could tell me what team I should join instead.
'Ok. Ah! I see a devil, yes, a red devil and you are walking towards it'. Away from a white rose.' He said.
'Look mate, I don't know what planet your from but your making as much sense as Lee Bowyer's court confessions'. I replied.
'For goodness sake! You're gonna join Man United ya stupid bastard!' He said whilst storming out of the house.

What a spot of luck that he came to visit me, I thought.


Wednesday
Right, my mind was made up! I wanted a transfer and I went in to the Leeds office to ask Sarah my sexy-tree to fax my transfer request to Mr Grimsdale and my shopping list to Sainsbury's. Well at least I thought I did it like that until Mr Grimsdale phoned me from France and asked why the hell I wanted him to get me a pair of English cox's followed by "aren't Lee Bowyer and Jonathan Woodgate enough".

I got Sarah to fax da right request to Mr Grimsdale who phoned me up to ave words. He told me I was goin nowhere, but I told him I had my foot read by a Scottish Jedi.
He's now coming back from holiday to conduct a drugs test.


Thursday
Went in to training at Leeds and met wif Mr Grimsdale. We ad a good chat and I read out my list of Man U benefits, which I had hidden up my sleeve. He agreed dat kicking Veron everyday would be ard to resist, but we will ave to wait and see if an offer came in.

I fought I erd my fortune-teller on TV today, but when I turned around it was just Sir Alex doin an interview. I wonder if I'll have to call him 'Sir gaffer' when I play for them.


Friday
Out of da blue, Man U made a bid for me today. My fortune-teller was right, I wouldn't of ad a clue udderwise. It was rejected, but my agent was very excited and told me dat Man U would come back wif more.

However, he also told me I would be offered a four year-olds contract. I fought dats not right, my Mum told me I am 23. Still, wif da money dat four year-olds get at Man U, I can't complain.

My agent also told me to pretend I was injured, so I didn't ave to go to da Far East wif da Leeds boys. He told me to come up wif a better excuse dan da time when I said I had pulled my calf after keeping my leg on da coffee table whilst watching TV. I fought dat was quite good, but he told me dat saying I had pulled a muscle whilst watching da box sounded disgusting.


Saturday
Fings are hotting up. Man U and Leeds are still in talks at da moment. Mr Grimsdale allows me to stay at home after I fax im to tell im I had a slight groin strain. I fought at least dat wasn't disgusting in any way, until my agent tells me I ad spelt strain wrong. In fact I ad told Mr Grimsdale I ad a 'groin stain', which sounded worse dan my coffee table incident before.

Sunday
Da two clubs ave agreed a fee for me and at last I am a Man U player. All I have to do is pretend I'm a five-year old and I might get a better contract. I also ave to ave a medical test, so I ave been looking after and preparing myself for dat - hopefully it will be multiple-choice.

What can I say, my fortune-teller was right and what great timing for him to pop round.
Ha! And day warned me dat Sir Alex would try and illegally approach me. What da hell do day know?

[Cafu01]

hehe made me chuckle, good one bafz