Its Friday - Page 2

John_Timmins · 23-03-2005, 14:39

Q: What's is the differance between Pamela Anderson and the Liverpool goal?
A: Pam's only got two tits

Q: How can you tell a level headed Liverpool supporter?
A: He dribbles from both sides of his mouth - at the same time.

Q: What do you get if you cross a Liverpol fan with a pig?
A: Thick bacon...

A father and son were eating breakfast. The fathers newspaper had the headline "Van Gogh sold for £13 million".
The son asked "is he worth it, Dad?", to which the father, surprised at his son's interest in fine art, replied "I suppose so, son. Why do you ask?"
The son said "Well, Liverpool paid more than that for Milan Baros, and he was cr*p"

Q: What is the difference between a battery and a Scowser fan?
A: A battery has a positive side.

Q: Why did Beardsley never play in Scotland
A: Cos he wiz afraid of the Bells (Scottish Premier)

sorry i had to

The girls greatest moments in football

zayno14 · 23-03-2005, 19:20

ha lol could not resist the temptation! I would not have been able 2 either...

Bazf · 23-03-2005, 20:33

For a couple of closet manuer supporters you are quite funny but here you are, just for the two of you, or any other scum supporter.......

Q: What do you say to a Man Utd supporter with a good looking bird on his arm?
A: Nice tattoo.

Q) What is the difference between a hedgehog and a busload of Man Utd fans?
A) On a hedgehog all the pricks are on the outside !!

Q: Did you hear that the British Post Office has just recalled their latest stamps?
A: Well, they had photos of Man Utd players on them - folk couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

A man desperate at Man Utd current situation decides to top himself.In his living room, alone, he prepares to hang himself. At the very lastmoment, he decides upon wearing his full Man Utd kit as his last statement.A neighbour, catching sight of the impending incident, informs the police.On arrival, the police quickly remove the Man Utd kit and dress the man instockings and suspenders. The man, totally confused asks why.
The policeman simply replies, "it's to avoid embarrassing your family."

Q: What do you call a Man Utd fan with lots of girlfriends?
A: A Shepherd Q: What's the difference between a Man Utd fan and a trampoline?A: You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline.
I was talking to the Man Utd groundsman and commenting on how green and lush the grass was
He replied, "it should be with all the sh#t that plays on it!!"

Q: How do you kill a Man Utd fan when he's drinking?
A: Slam the toilet seat on his head!

Q: Why do Man Utd supporters have Moustaches?
A: So they can look like their Mothers.

Q: What do Man Utd fans use as birth control?
A: Their personalities.

Q: Whats black and brown and looks good on a Man Utd fan?
A: A Rottweiler.

Q: What do you call a Man Utd fan with no arms and legs?
A: Trustworthy.

Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead Man Utd fan?
A: Skid marks in front of the dog.

Q. Why do Man Utd fans whistle whilst sitting on the toilet?
A. So they know which end to wipe!

Q: What do you call a Man Utd fan in a 2 bedroomed Semi?
A: A burglar

Q: What do you get when you offer a Man Utd fan a penny for his thoughts?
A: Change!

Jokes For Really Crap Sides

There's a rumour that Man Utd have lined up a new sponsor - Tampax.
The board thought it was an appropriate change as the club is going through a very bad period.

An new Oxo Cube will be introduced early next year in tribute to Man Utd.
It will be called "Laughing Stock".

The seven dwarves are down in the mines when there is a cave-in.
Snow White runs to the entrance and yells down to them.
In the distance a voice shouts out "Man Utd are good enough to win the European Cup."
Snow White says "Well at least Dopey's alive!"

Q. What have the Man Utd and a nappy got in common?
A. P*** upfront and crap at the back.

A burglary was recently committed at Man Utd ground and the entire contents of the trophy room were stolen. The police are looking for a man with a dusty carpet.

A policeman caught a fan climbing the wall of the Man Utd ground.
He made him go back and watch the rest of the match

Q. What's the difference between the Man Utd keeper and a taxi driver?
A. A taxi driver will only let in four at a time.

Q: What have Man Utd and a three pin plug got in common?
A: Their both useless in Europe.

Q: What's the difference between O J Simpson and Man Utd ?
A: OJ Simpson had some sort of a defence!

Q: What's the difference between Man Utd and a teabag?
A: A tea bag stays in the cup longer!!!!!

Q) What is the difference between Man Utd and a lift ?
A) It doesn't take a lift nine months to go down

Q) What is the difference between Foot & Mouth and Man Utd?
A) Foot & Mouth is still in Europe.

Q: What is the difference between Man Utd and a triangle?
A: A triangle has three points. Someone asked me the other day, what time do Man Utd kick off?
About every ten minutes I replied.

Bazf · 23-03-2005, 20:36

Great rendition of the classic Queen song. This time the words have been be modified to reflect the mind of Man United captain Roy Keane, whom I am sure would find it hard to find a ghost writer who could do better than this!

Mama, just kicked a man.
There's a screw loose in my head,
Because I tried to break his leg,
Fergie, the seasons just begun,
But now I've gone and thrown it all away!
Rooney! Ooh -ooh - ooh,
Makes me want to sigh!
We'd score more goals with Sid James or Kenneth Williams,
Carry On, Carry On,
The whole teams just in tatters.
Too late, my crime is done,
Tried to mangle Alfie's spine,
Now he's aching all the time,
Goodbye Mick McCarthy, I've got to go,
Got to leave the squad behind,
'cos I'm a ****!
Giggsy! Ooh -ooh - ooh
He doesn't seem to try,
I sometimes wish he'd never been bought at all.
(guitar solo)

(Opera Section)
I see a little packaged sandwich filled with prawns,
Gary Neville! Gary Neville!
HE'S JUST SLOW, OLD AND USELESS!
Brown & Neville fighting, very very frightening indeed!!!
WHERE IS RIO ?,
Where is Rio?,
WHERE IS RIO?,
Where is Rio?,
Because Brown's far too slow!
He's far too slow-ow-ow-ow-ow.....
I'm just a headcase, nobody loves me!
HE'S JUST A HEADCASE, WALKED OUT ON HIS COUNTRY!
SPARE US THE WHINES FROM HIS GAFFER IF YOU PLEASE!
Here it comes, Open goal - Giggs must score.
HE WILL NOT!
No! He's simply got to score!
HE WILL NOT, NEVER, EVER SCORE!
No! He's simply got to score!
HE WILL NOT, NEVER, EVER SCORE!
NEVER, EVER SCORE, NEVER, EVER SCORE, NEVER, EVER SCORE.........
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!
Oh where is Rio? where is Rio ?
Has he really stubbed his toe ?
Beelzebub take the Nevilles from my side,
Oh Please
Oh Please,
Oh Pleeeeeeeaaaase
(Guitar riff)

So you think that I punch refs and spit in their eyes?
Would I kick Alan Shearer and leave him to die?
Oh baby,
Even though I seem crazy,
I'm Roy the Red, rich, thick and madder each year.

(Slow bit)
All the guys I've clattered.....even poor Alfie!
Now I've got a Court case...........I just want to kick folk, you see ?
Tell me where did Mick go ?

Bagpuss · 23-03-2005, 20:56

Don't mess with Bazf, Mr Timmins and Zayno unless you sre prepared for a war.

John_Timmins · 24-03-2005, 10:58

we are prepared as i am not a man united fan iam just a ryan giggs fan

so bring it on Bazf!!!

zayno14 · 26-03-2005, 18:16

Im not a man united fan either! Just think ryan giggs is the second best left winger the world has ever seen!

Number one is RORY!!

Bagpuss · 26-03-2005, 18:38

Quote:

Originally Posted by zayno14

Just think ryan giggs is the second best left winger the world has ever seen

I'm sure he gained a few more fans today.................. From Austria !!!!

Bazf · 26-03-2005, 21:01

Just seen the game on Fox Ha ha, I hate to do it..................no I don't

A misplaced pass from Ryan Giggs cost Wales dear as they fell to a 2-0 defeat to Austria in John Toshack's first competitive game in charge.

An entertaining contest was decided courtesy of two goals in the final ten minutes after Ivica Vastic and Martin Stranzl were clinical in punishing mistakes from Giggs and Danny Gabbidon.

First, Giggs gave Austria possession with a sloppy pass on the halfway line that ended with Christian Mayrleb laying the ball off to the arriving Vastic, who fired in at Danny Coyne's near post with a left foot drive.

Ryan Giggs