25-01-2006, 14:06
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#1
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Manager Idol
Ok the England managers job is up for grabs and the FA are going to let the public decide, or the media which really is the public, right! so to help out they have a new ITV program Manager Idol, where you will be able to text your choice to the FA, the 3 judges are,
1. Jamie Redknapp, says he should be English (we all know he's a big giant football brain and not a c**t.)
2. Andy Gray, says I would rather have Bertie Volts but we have to opt for an englishman, ye ken.
3. NOTW, says Sams the man, and they put a picture an onion on an England manager.
So here are the finalists, who's your choice?
Curbishley: Safe and also very boring. His brother managed The Who though. Can we get Bill to do the job? If you can handle Keith Moon you can do anything.
Psycho: After six months in the job at City he's embarrassed to be considered. Has kissed Allardyce's arse. Surely that's a crime.
Jewelly (Julie?): I can see the Scouse Scally headlines now. But in his favour he has a very large head which can easily be morphed into a vegetable.
Allardyce: Odds on to get it because he's got most mates in the media and that's what counts. Not football. Wears an ear-piece thingy and says the word 'stats' so is officially 'modern'.
Bryan Robson: Ha! Had you going for a moment!
Steve McClaren: Take him. Please.
Steve Bruce: He's a manager is he? Oh.
Alan Pardew: Used to being hated by his own supporters - a good qualification in itself.
Roy Hodgson: Remember him? Looks like Widow Twanky and works abroad, so he's both an English and a foreign coach. Sort of.
Peter Taylor: Already in a better job. At Hull City.
Steve Coppell: Would be crushed within weeks by the pressure - so he's a good bet.
Mike Newell: Leans against a dugout in a cool manner which the FA probably think is as good a reason as any to employ him.
Neil Warnock: Would actually fist-fight with foreign managers - so will have the Daily Mail vote.
Harry Redknapp: Everyone loves 'arry don't they? No? Oh? What? Everyone thinks he's a crook do they? Eee that's shocking. I'm sure it's not true. Would probably take the job but then somehow end up managing Scotland six months later.
Alan Shearer: You think it's mad don't you? Which is why it might happen.
Well what a great bunch. I'm sure we're all filled with pride and enthusiasm.
Thanks for buying the News of the World. That was really clever.
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