2020/21 Prediction League; Game 6 v Ipswich Town (away)

[Div3North]

Ipswich Town FC

V

Accrington Stanley

2020/21 Prediction League; Game 6 v Fortus Yppswyche (away)

When I were a lad, back in the day (God, what a memory!), the Masters at my school (we didn’t have teachers, we had Masters, and the Head teacher was “The High Master”) presented, for two nights only in March, an Entertainment for pupils, parents and friends of the school..... although it was 1962 – 58 years ago – I still remember the opening song, the first verse of which ran, I believe:-

“We’re Pedagogues, in evening togs,
Bringing class and culture to the Land of Tripe and Clogs,
We’re Pedagogues, in evening togs,
Daily casting priceless pearls before your little Hogs”

And, of course, everybody South of Watford (the initial letter “T” in “Watford” is silent, by the way) thinks of Lancashire and its folk in exactly that way ...... remember Victoria Wood?

“You just go ... tripe, clogs, going to the dogs,
Wigan and Blackpool tram,
Brass Bands, butties in yer ‘ands,
Whippets and next door’s Mam”.....

Or the Hovis advert?
“Me Grandad allus used to say, it were a bloody long way to go fer a loaf o’ bread”

Or the infamous Milk advert?
“Who’er dey?”

...... and so we, and our fine region and even finer little Club, are perceived, by the Nobs down South (notice – no “K) as Thick Northern Rough’yeds” ........... and so I thought reet, fettler, (as you do), it’s time to fight back and show them how cultured and edificated we’ve become Oop North

“Twelve months ago I didn’t know what “educated” meant, and now I are it”

We need to express the culture that oozes down the beer pipes of our Hostelries and Brothels and engulfs us all, before flowing on its way ......... And the way I thought we might best do all it is ........... Latin!

Now I know the Romans were pretty cr*p at the old Footie, although they were multi-World Champions at Throwing Christians to the Lions ............. and I don’t know much Latin

“Amo, Amas, I loved a lass, and she was tall and slender,
Amas, Amat, I laid her flat, and twanged on her suspender”

(NB that wasn’t the original version of line two, either!.............)

.... so I looked it up (God Bless Google Translate!) and here’s your starter lesson in our New Series entitled “Latin for Accie Fans”

“Venient super te elato” (“Come on You Reds”)
“Tu caecum, Disceptator?” (“Are you blind, Ref?”)
“In referendarius a bastardis” (“The referee’s a b*stard”)
“Supplicium!” (“Penalty!”)
“O quam talea quod ledo!” (“Oh, he hit the bar”)
“Finis!” (“Goal!”)

Actually, of course, you can’t call someone a “b*stard” these days; polite society, according to comedian Mick Miller (not to be confused with Mick THE Miller, who’s been dead and stuffed for about 90 years) often uses the expression “love child”, .............. so probably you’re better – if you want to stay and watch the second half - to try shouting something like .... say .... “In referendarius est amor puer” (which is Latin for “The Referee’s a ...... love-child”)........ not exactly sure how that will catch on .......

All together now:

“Mam me et te et me et te Pater gran
erant 'iens ut Ida
Mam me et te et me et te Pater gran
Et de situla vindaloo”

“Nah Na Na, Nah Na Na, Nah Na Na nah na na nah nah ---- We’re gonna score one more than you!”

And well, well ........... Morecambe top of Ligue Deux! (despite the minus GD, courtesy of losing 5-0 at home to second-placed Cambridge) ........... Manager-less Salford MoneyBags (well they’ve got Paul Scholes, but that’s effectively the same thing) and Vegan Greenpeace United in the play-off spots, Oldham in the GreasyPole Positions; five sides without a win (including Barrow) and four sides as yet unbeaten (including Bratfud and Colchester) ...... and in League Un, Ipswich and Slumberland unbeaten, and the PhoneyWombles the only side without a win (plumb last).............. and also in the Bottom Four, Burton Albion – who’ve conceded 13 in five - with just one win – against us, and Oxford United, with just one win too – against us! What’s all that about? And us in the Play-Off positions with a 60% success rate; what’s that about, too?

Ipswich is the County Town of Suffolk, and nestles between two Areas of Outstanding Natural Beauty (The North Sea, and Felixstowe Docks); it was, in its time, also known as Gyppewicus (which sounds like some bloke and his mates throwing up in the way home after a hard night on the lash) and Yppswyche (which is what my dog does when it wants to come in); it was voted the 7th most desirable place to live and work in England by the Royal Mail in 2017, and in 2015, it was rated as the third happiest place to live in the UK – a title it’s since lost to Royal Leamington Spa (Harrogate, Royal Tunbridge Wells and Epsom also making the list) – and in Scotland it’s Dumfries (easily pleased, the Scots) and in Wales it’s Llandrindod Wells. Isn’t it. Look you. Eistedfodd. (I’m just glad it wasn’t Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysilio gogogoch , because I can’t spell that .....................) ............

Famous people from Gyppewicus include Ralph Fiennes, Ruth Rendell, George Orwell, Griff Rhys Jones, Ed Sheeran, Benjamin Britten, Bob Hoskins, Sir Peter Hall CBE, Anthony Horowitz, Twiggy, June Brown and the Painter, Constable John (which serves to demonstrate that some Ipswichians are more equal than others) .......... they also have their own dialect (more like their own language), where ‘clumsy’ is ‘cack-handed’ (I have to confess that I say that), a ladybird is a ‘Bishy Barnaby’, a Mistress is a ‘Doxy’, and ‘nonsense’ is ‘squit’ (isn’t this edificational!); so if you have a Mistress, and she’s clumsy, just tell her she’s a cack-handed doxy – and I hope you can ran faster than she can throw stuff ............... What a load of squit!

The Tractor Boys were founded in 1878 but didn’t turn pro until 1936; they were elected to the Football League in 1938, and play their home games at EricPortman Road . They’re the only fully professional club in Suffolk (Ipswich is about the only town in Suffolk, Felix’s Toe apart). They won the League once, in their first season in the top flight in 1961–62; they won the FA Cup in 1977–78, doing the Baggies 3-1 in the Semi Final, and Woolwich Arsenal 1-0 in the Final, and the UEFA Cup in 1980–81 (beating St Etienne 7-2 over two legs in the Quarters, FC Koln 1-0 home and away, and AZ in the Final 5-4 (3-0 at home, 2-4 away)). They’ve been in all three major UEFA club competitions, and have never lost a European tie at home, defeating Real Madrid, A.C. Milan, Inter Milan, Lazio and Barcelona, among others. So; this week’s Starter for Ten, then ................ who scored the goal that won them the FA Cup? And what happened as a result of his celebration after scoring? And I’ll give you a clue; he moved to Colchester in 1981, and was their Player of the Year in 1986 ... which actually isn’t a clue at all, just a piece of trivia .....

They finished last season – their first in League One after a dramatic GreasyPoling the year before – in a comfortable 11th place with 52 points from 36 games, winning 14 and scoring 46 – but they were nowhere near their pre-season expectations of going straight back up .......... on Feb 1st they were 4th (having been top for quite a few weeks), but seven defeats in their last nine games saw the bubble burst ........famously, you might remember, we did them 2-0 at our place in October 2019, courtesy of two goals from the Bishop of Wham, and although they did us 4-1 chez eux in January (our goal from Zanzala - who’s played just 18 minutes from the bench over four games for Crewe this season - from 12 yards with a stationary ball on a white spot), but we can claim the bragging rights, because we dumped them out of the FA Cup in January 2019 with a thumping 1-0 win ...........

Four left in the summer (what summer, I hear you ask); LW Danny Rowe joined Unattached, striker Will Keane (who has a brother christened "Notso") went to Wigan, LMF Jordan Roberts signed for Hearts, and CB Alex Henderson (aged 19) took a Jumbo to the Georgia State Panthers – who I thought were a College Basketball team, but who actually represent Georgia State University in the NCAA (Soccer) Division One (Sun Belt Conference) – and debuted in mid-September, reportedly being selected in the TopDrawer Soccer Team of the week! They brought in five – Ross Crane from Bury Town, GK David Cornell from the Cobblers, striker Oliver Hawkins from Pompey, LB Stephen Ward from Stoke (not the friend of Christine Keeler, I suspect), and GK Albert White from the Wombles ....... “Overground, Underground, Wombling free .....”

Their first three games – at home to Wigan and Rochdale, with a trip to Brizzle sandwiched in between – all resulted in 2-0 wins; then they went to Milton Keynes and left with half a Desmond, before sticking it up Blackpool 4-1 on Saturday gone ......... P5 W4 D1 L0 GF11 GA2 for 13 points and Top of the Midden ...... They did Brizzle again 3-0 in the EFL Cup before losing 0-1 in the next round at home to Fulham, and they’re top of their group in the Troffy, albeit with 3 points from two games, as a result of badly underestimating Arsenal u9s

To those who remember the Tractor Boys in the Powerhouse Days of the 60s, 70s and early 80s, the names trip off the tongue; Arnold Muhren, Ray Crawford, Mick Mills, John Wark, Kevin Beattie, George Burley, Franz Thijssen, Brazil, Marriner, Butcher ..... and the Managers – Sir Alf, Wor Jackie (Milburn), Bill McGarry, Bobby Robson (for 700+ games), Joe Royle ........ happy times! And their biggest league win was 7-0 against Pompey (1964), the Saints (1974) and the Baggies two years later ....... but Fulham did them 10-1 in ‘63, and Man U did them 9-0 in 1995 ........ and for 45 years they held the record for the longest run unbeaten at home in European competition (31), until AZ Alkmaar nicked their pennant in recent years .........

Deadline for entries is, as always, scheduled kick-off time, which is 3.00pm (Suffolk Time) on Saturday 17th October .... and a Happy Birthday to Lord Coleman of Stanley – and may I suggest that when you’re doing the Team Tactics Talk this week you follow Phil Woosnam’s advice, and get the lads to kick the manure out of Gwion Edwards and Teddy Bishop, who’ve scored seven of The Tractors’ eleven League goals (four and three respectively) ...... apparently, by the way, the name “Gwion” means "A wise and intelligent man with abilities more incredible than others”, in which context you should know that in former times “Gwion was a shapeshifter with magical abilities, who was raised by a witch and escaped by changing his form”.... so there you go – “The Referee’s a Shapeshifter”..... You what?

And a big “well done” to Harrogate, who did Bratfud (away) 1-0 on Monday night (Kerry scored – lovely girl, Kerry) .... and Billy Kee’s Coalville are top of the Southern League Premier Division (Central) with 11 points from 5; I watched the highlights of their game at Hednesford on YouTube (they won 3-0, and they played really well - 3rd goal by Billy Whizz from 3 yards out, courtesy of the GK failing to hold the previous shot) ...... And the winning goal in the 78 Cup final came from Roger Charles Osborne in the 77th minute ............. and his celebration after he scored caused him to faint and be substituted with only ten minutes of the match remaining... Plonker!

Good luck to everyone! ………….. Stay safe and keep well! ………… And thanks for playing!

[ossy kid]

By the left, tha outdid yersel there owd mon, very edificational tho. Ta.
Stanley 1-2 Ipwitch

[andyd]

Stanley 2-2 Ipswich.

[Tom D]

1-0 win for stanley please

[monkey hanger]

stanley 1 ipswich 1.

[Taypot]

Stanley 0 Ipswich 3

[cashman]

1-0 stanley for me.

[AccyMad]

1 - 1 draw for me please

[Outback Ozzy]

It pains me to say this, but 3-1 Ipswich

[MikeA]

1-0 Stanley, please.

I tried Google Translate. Maybe it loses something in the translation:

Illic 'a loco qui dicitur celebre mare: Blackpool,
Quod suus 'attendendum est recens et fun-aer,
Et Mr and Mrs Ramsbottom
Et cum iuvenibus Albert, suum filium.

[Div3North]

Originally Posted by MikeA

1-0 Stanley, please.

I tried Google Translate. Maybe it loses something in the translation:

Illic 'a loco qui dicitur celebre mare: Blackpool,
Quod suus 'attendendum est recens et fun-aer,
Et Mr and Mrs Ramsbottom
Et cum iuvenibus Albert, suum filium.

I did Modern Languages at A level, but failed Latin O level twice. When we did internal Latin exams we used to write, on top of the blackboard (which is what it was in those days)

"Spem relenquite, vos omnes qui in hic ingemeni"

which was our dog-Latin version of "Abandon hope, all ye who enter here"

Mind you, it was a very strange dog..............

[LongLostSon]

Too much fun Div3North !!!

I see a Desmond coming on for this one Chimer

[The Red Darreners]

2-1 Ipswich alas

[Div3North]

Originally Posted by MikeA

1-0 Stanley, please.

I tried Google Translate. Maybe it loses something in the translation:

Illic 'a loco qui dicitur celebre mare: Blackpool,
Quod suus 'attendendum est recens et fun-aer,
Et Mr and Mrs Ramsbottom
Et cum iuvenibus Albert, suum filium.

Re-translates as;

There's a place which said famous sea; Blackpool
What it noted is fresh and fun-air
And Mr and Mrs Ramsbottom
And with young Albert and gratification

You may remember the Pepsi advert of some years back, "Come alive with Pepsi"...... someone translated that into Mandarin Chinese, and then translated that back ............ It came out as "Pepsi brings your ancestors back from the grave"

It didn't sell well ...................

[Tommy McQueen]

Ipswich 2 Stanley 1