Please read with tounge FIRMLY in cheek!!

[ukcowboy]

I have managed to get hold of the reply to Mr Whalley fron HMRC, and thought it might be an interesting read for you all:-


Dear Mr Whalley,

I am writing to you to express our thanks for your more than prompt reply to our latest communication, and also to answer some of the points you raise. I will address them, as ever, in order.

Firstly, I must take issue with your description of our last as a "begging letter". It might perhaps more properly be referred to as a "tax demand". This is how we at the Inland Revenue have always, for reasons of accuracy, traditionally referred to such documents.

Secondly, your frustration at our adding to the "endless stream of crapulent whining and panhandling vomited daily through the letterbox on to the doormat" has been noted. However, whilst I have naturally not seen the other letters to which you refer I would cautiously suggest that their being from "pauper councils, Lombardy pirate banking houses and ****ant gas-mongerers" might indicate that your decision to "file them next to the toilet in case of emergencies" is at best a little ill-advised. In common with my own organisation, it is unlikely that the senders of these letters do see you as a "lackwit bumpkin" or, come to that, a "sodding charity". More likely they see you as a citizen of Great Britain, with a responsibility to contribute to the upkeep of the nation as a whole.

Which brings me to my next point. Whilst there may be some spirit of truth in your assertion that the taxes you pay "go to shore up the canker-blighted, toppling folly that is the Public Services", a moment's rudimentary calculation ought to disabuse you of the notion that the government in any way expects you to "stump up for the whole damned party" yourself. The estimates you provide for the Chancellor's disbursement of the funds levied by taxation, whilst colourful, are, in fairness, a little off the mark. Less than you seem to imagine is spent on "junkets for Bunterish lickspittles" and "dancing whores" whilst far more than you have accounted for is allocated to, for example, "that box-ticking facade of a university system."

A couple of technical points arising from direct queries:

1. The reason we don't simply write "Muggins"on the envelope has to do with the vagaries of the postal system;

2. You can rest assured that "sucking the very marrow of those with nothing else to give" has never been considered as a practice because even if the Personal Allowance didn't render it irrelevant, the sheer medical logistics involved would make it financially unviable.

I trust this has helped. In the meantime, whilst I would not in any way wish to influence your decision one way or the other, I ought to point out that even if you did choose to "give the whole foul jamboree up and go and live in India" you would still owe us the money.

Please send it to us by Friday.


Yours sincerely,
H J Lee
Customer Relations
Inland Revenue

[Long time red]

That must have made your weekend worthwhile.

[maccawozzagod]

that could certainly have been written with Mr Whalley in mind.

[VALAIRIAN]

Nice one UK I see now why you struggled to get paid for your Stanley duties

[ukcowboy]

Originally Posted by Long time red

That must have made your weekend worthwhile.

I may be guilty of misunderstanding your post,but which part of 'tongue FIRMLY in cheek', did you fail to understand?

However, to put your mind at rest,I had a very worthwhile and lucrative weekend,thankyou,and trust that you did also.

[Tin Monkey]

Did you spend it reading The Guardian UK?

[ukcowboy]

Originally Posted by Tin Monkey

Did you spend it reading The Guardian UK?

I thank you TM ................ alas no,however a very good friend of mine did and informed Me about a very interesting 'read'