A question for Mums
- Thread starter WillowTheWhisp
- Start date
Would you be happy for a 12 year old daughter of yours to stand at the top of Chester Street in the dark waiting for a mini bus alone?
It wouldn't happen with my knowledge.
I'm puzzled that you "can't decide what my problem is" - it is exactly what I said - surely anyone concerned for the safety of a 12 year old girl wouldn't ask her to stand alone in the dark out of sight of home?
If it was me and I wasn't happy about the situation then I would either make other arangements or she would not go. NO PROBLEM
However, I am now beginning to wonder if the Edge Camps themselves are as well run as we have been led to believe if the youth club organsation may be as casual as you indicate.
Why create a problem where there isn't one. If you are not convinced after you have had all the information from the school and after your girls have enjoyed the camps then speak to someone from, either the Edge team or the school.
Its not fair to put unfounded doubts on this website that could discourage other parents from sending their children to camp. If there is a problem, then fair enough, if you haven't got a problem with edge camp then don't create one. Other children could miss out on a fantastic week at camp because of your comments.
It wouldn't happen with my knowledge.
I'm puzzled that you "can't decide what my problem is" - it is exactly what I said - surely anyone concerned for the safety of a 12 year old girl wouldn't ask her to stand alone in the dark out of sight of home?
If it was me and I wasn't happy about the situation then I would either make other arangements or she would not go. NO PROBLEM
However, I am now beginning to wonder if the Edge Camps themselves are as well run as we have been led to believe if the youth club organsation may be as casual as you indicate.
Why create a problem where there isn't one. If you are not convinced after you have had all the information from the school and after your girls have enjoyed the camps then speak to someone from, either the Edge team or the school.
Its not fair to put unfounded doubts on this website that could discourage other parents from sending their children to camp. If there is a problem, then fair enough, if you haven't got a problem with edge camp then don't create one. Other children could miss out on a fantastic week at camp because of your comments.
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Re: 12 year old in danger
I think you're missing the point gabby.
If my husband was at home he would take her.
I do not drive.
If my husband was not at home I could have got a taxi, I could have gone there with her in the taxi and waited there until they'd finished or got a taxi back home again and then got one back to collect her. If she had wanted to go and Busman couldn't have taken her then that would have been my next thought.
My point is that the Youth Club has a mini bus. My daughter was offered a lift in this mini bus. They have both gone by mini bus in the past and both gone by Busman-car in the past. Sometimes they have had other things they preferred to do instead. She was phoned on Thursday evening after she had gone to bed and so I took the call. I was asked if she needed a lift to send her to wait at the top of Chester Street for the mini bus.
As a responsible parent I did not find it acceptable for a 12 year old to be asked to stand on a street corner alone in the dark and wasn't prepared to let her do that. The options then could have been either she didn't go or she went by taxi. However when I ponted out to the guy on the phone that I didn't like the idea of her standing on the street corner alone in the dark he then said he would pick her up from home "just this once". I then decided to ask if other parents (apologies to Dads for only addressing this thread to Mums) felt as I do - in other words did anyone here think I was being over protective or just a normal responsible parent who cares about the welfare of her daughter.
There is also the other remote possibility that the phone call may not have been from the minibus driver but from some perv who'd overheard a conversation about this bus and lifts etc between my daughters and some of the Hope Centre folks who they often chat to in town. She could have been overheard telling someone her phone number. The person who phoned here could have asked her to wait out of sight of home and then kidnapped her, raped her and dumped her dead body somewhere. Unlikely? Maybe but as far as I'm concerned it's a possibility and another damn good reason not to expect someone involved with young kids to think its perfectly safe for a 12 year old girl to be asked to stand at the top of Chester St alone in the dark.
It's not about whether I coud have gone down there and stood with her. It's about her being asked to do that. Can't you understand that?
Now suddenly I'm the irresponsible one who "puts the safety of my child onto someone else."
There are times when a child has to do things on their own - going to school being one of them. You can't expect parents to take their children to school once they reach a responsible age - it would be impossible for parents who had a child say at Springhill and one at Moorhead to take both of them in opposite directions at the same time. Nobody can be in two places at once and at one time Emz went to Springhill and Mimi went to Moorhead - Mimi caught the bus to town outside our backdoor and the bus from town up to school, which they both now do. Am I irresponsible for letting them do that alone? Am I irresponsible for letting my 15 year old go to a dance with other 14 -18 year olds under adult supervision and taken there and brought back (door to door) by a friend of ours (and parent of one of the girls' friends) who has a mini bus? I don't drive. I couldn't have taken her.
Good grief if I'm supposed to go everywhere with them maybe I'd better ask if I can sign up for the school trips too. Maybe I can go to Edge Camp - not that I'd be any use because my health would make me a liability not an asset. Now I do abdicate responsibility in those cases because as a school governor I know that certain proceedures and checks have to take place before any school trip goes ahead - even a half day to the local park. However, in view of this street corner in the dark business I was beginning to wonder if I should verify that all checks have been done and that kids are never expected to do anything at camp which could put them in danger - but I got my head bitten off for that. Seems I can't win either way. I'm either too irresponsible or not trusting enough depending on who disagrees with me.
If I sound annoyed at being accused of shirking my responsibilities as a parent then that's because I am.
gabby said:
I think you're missing the point gabby.
If my husband was at home he would take her.
I do not drive.
If my husband was not at home I could have got a taxi, I could have gone there with her in the taxi and waited there until they'd finished or got a taxi back home again and then got one back to collect her. If she had wanted to go and Busman couldn't have taken her then that would have been my next thought.
My point is that the Youth Club has a mini bus. My daughter was offered a lift in this mini bus. They have both gone by mini bus in the past and both gone by Busman-car in the past. Sometimes they have had other things they preferred to do instead. She was phoned on Thursday evening after she had gone to bed and so I took the call. I was asked if she needed a lift to send her to wait at the top of Chester Street for the mini bus.
As a responsible parent I did not find it acceptable for a 12 year old to be asked to stand on a street corner alone in the dark and wasn't prepared to let her do that. The options then could have been either she didn't go or she went by taxi. However when I ponted out to the guy on the phone that I didn't like the idea of her standing on the street corner alone in the dark he then said he would pick her up from home "just this once". I then decided to ask if other parents (apologies to Dads for only addressing this thread to Mums) felt as I do - in other words did anyone here think I was being over protective or just a normal responsible parent who cares about the welfare of her daughter.
There is also the other remote possibility that the phone call may not have been from the minibus driver but from some perv who'd overheard a conversation about this bus and lifts etc between my daughters and some of the Hope Centre folks who they often chat to in town. She could have been overheard telling someone her phone number. The person who phoned here could have asked her to wait out of sight of home and then kidnapped her, raped her and dumped her dead body somewhere. Unlikely? Maybe but as far as I'm concerned it's a possibility and another damn good reason not to expect someone involved with young kids to think its perfectly safe for a 12 year old girl to be asked to stand at the top of Chester St alone in the dark.
It's not about whether I coud have gone down there and stood with her. It's about her being asked to do that. Can't you understand that?
Now suddenly I'm the irresponsible one who "puts the safety of my child onto someone else."
There are times when a child has to do things on their own - going to school being one of them. You can't expect parents to take their children to school once they reach a responsible age - it would be impossible for parents who had a child say at Springhill and one at Moorhead to take both of them in opposite directions at the same time. Nobody can be in two places at once and at one time Emz went to Springhill and Mimi went to Moorhead - Mimi caught the bus to town outside our backdoor and the bus from town up to school, which they both now do. Am I irresponsible for letting them do that alone? Am I irresponsible for letting my 15 year old go to a dance with other 14 -18 year olds under adult supervision and taken there and brought back (door to door) by a friend of ours (and parent of one of the girls' friends) who has a mini bus? I don't drive. I couldn't have taken her.
Good grief if I'm supposed to go everywhere with them maybe I'd better ask if I can sign up for the school trips too. Maybe I can go to Edge Camp - not that I'd be any use because my health would make me a liability not an asset. Now I do abdicate responsibility in those cases because as a school governor I know that certain proceedures and checks have to take place before any school trip goes ahead - even a half day to the local park. However, in view of this street corner in the dark business I was beginning to wonder if I should verify that all checks have been done and that kids are never expected to do anything at camp which could put them in danger - but I got my head bitten off for that. Seems I can't win either way. I'm either too irresponsible or not trusting enough depending on who disagrees with me.
If I sound annoyed at being accused of shirking my responsibilities as a parent then that's because I am.
CASPER said:
Yes that's right and it's a lovely idea for those children who want to go and possibly wouldn't otherwise be able to get there. In fact I wouldn't object to offering a voluntary bit of something for petrol money (but wouldn't expect others to feel obliged just in case they couldn't afford it) It's just the dark street corner thing that bothered me.
It was Hope Centre people who approached the girls and invited them to go following Edge Camp. They've also been invited to go to the Sunday church meetings but haven't accepted that because we all go to our own church and they wouldn't want to swap. They go to our own church's activities but I see no reason why they shouldn't spread their horizons and share other things with other people too just as they've invited their friends to go along to some of our church activities. When they were younger they used to go to the Peel Street Baptists activity week thing during the school hols. Em has been to youth clubby type things there too sometimes.
what everybody should do is reclaim the streets from the scum instead of driving in our little bubbles we should walk the streets get out and enjoy our town bin your telly and get out i know what ill be giving my daughter when shes old enough to go out on her own a lighter a and a can of hairspray anybody that comes near her she will burn them in their eyes ...
justice league
justice league
me too. ive just read the thread properly it says question for mums whoops im a dad...
Dads are allowed too - I apologised for not including them, I just thought 'Mums' on account of being one myself.
Just giving the non-locals an idea of what the corner of Chester St looks like and why of all the corners in the whole of Hyndburn this is probably one of the least appropriate in my opinion for anyone to be lurking around on after dark.
Attachments
flashytart said:
Get a grip, you know nothing about willow and she only started this thread because she IS a caring parent. Try reading the whole thread before making judgement
karma deducted 
I am getting a little confused myself by this thread. Perfectly understand what you originally complained about Willow, but as West Ender stated in one of the earlier posts, could the driver not have stopped a little further down/up where there are lots of terraced houses. He probably only looked at it as an easy place to pull in with a mini-van and hadn't really thought it through. Perhaps would be better coming from your daughter explaining to him that she feels insecure in this spot and would he not mind a safer pick-up point. From the horse's mouth is always better.
OK let me try to explain this again.
Slowly
For anyone who is still missing the point.
There is a youth club in Ossy.
People who run the youth club invited my daughters to go.
They have been once or twice - if my husband is home he has taken them in the car.
Once when my husband was not home I went with them by taxi and dropped them off there. My husband picked them up because he was home by then.
The organisers said not to bother with a taxi in future as they had a minibus for rhe specific purpose of picking people up who cannot be brought by parents for whatever reason. (Note this was their suggestion, not mine)
They have been a few times in the minibus.
Last week someone from the youth club phoned to speak to the girls to ask if they needed a lift the following day. When they phoned it was late and the girls had already gone to bed so I spoke to the person. I told him that the eldest one had other plans but as far as I was aware the youngest didn't have other plans and would like to go but my husband couldn't take her as he would be working.
The person from the youth club then told me to ask her to wait at the corner of Chester Street and they would pick her up from there.
I said "No." and explained that I didn't think it was safe for her to stand in such a place (see photos for the location, quite a lonely spot) so far from home in the dark. Even I, as an adult, would not like to stand down there on that corner alone in the dark.
At no point did I ever ask for this minibus. The minibus belongs to the youth club and I have been led to believe the purpose of the minibus is to transport kids to and from the youth club.
The person on the phone then said he would pick her up from home 'just this once'.
OK, if she wants to go in future and they ask her to meet in a dark lonely place again then my response will be the same and if they don't want to come to the house then I have the option of getting a taxi or maybe she/they will choose not to go.
This was when I began to wonder how responsibly run a youth club can be when the person collecting the children see nothng wrong with asking one child to wait alone in the dark at a spot like the top of Chester St.
I then thought about the phone call and thought surely I can't be the only responsible parent who cares enough about her daughter not to want her hanging about on lonely street corners in the dark.
So I posted this thread to ask what other Mums thought.
I wonder what parents of other children in the minibus feel - are their children also collected from similar locations?
It's odd no other parent has queried this - and I get the impression from the guy on the phone that they haven't - hence my asking other Mums on here.
I do not know who the other children are so I cannot ask their parents.
I do find it very strange though that as a caring parent who wouldn't let her child take the risk of being out there alone in the dark I have been criticised and called lazy and uncaring.
Slowly
For anyone who is still missing the point.
There is a youth club in Ossy.
People who run the youth club invited my daughters to go.
They have been once or twice - if my husband is home he has taken them in the car.
Once when my husband was not home I went with them by taxi and dropped them off there. My husband picked them up because he was home by then.
The organisers said not to bother with a taxi in future as they had a minibus for rhe specific purpose of picking people up who cannot be brought by parents for whatever reason. (Note this was their suggestion, not mine)
They have been a few times in the minibus.
Last week someone from the youth club phoned to speak to the girls to ask if they needed a lift the following day. When they phoned it was late and the girls had already gone to bed so I spoke to the person. I told him that the eldest one had other plans but as far as I was aware the youngest didn't have other plans and would like to go but my husband couldn't take her as he would be working.
The person from the youth club then told me to ask her to wait at the corner of Chester Street and they would pick her up from there.
I said "No." and explained that I didn't think it was safe for her to stand in such a place (see photos for the location, quite a lonely spot) so far from home in the dark. Even I, as an adult, would not like to stand down there on that corner alone in the dark.
At no point did I ever ask for this minibus. The minibus belongs to the youth club and I have been led to believe the purpose of the minibus is to transport kids to and from the youth club.
The person on the phone then said he would pick her up from home 'just this once'.
OK, if she wants to go in future and they ask her to meet in a dark lonely place again then my response will be the same and if they don't want to come to the house then I have the option of getting a taxi or maybe she/they will choose not to go.
This was when I began to wonder how responsibly run a youth club can be when the person collecting the children see nothng wrong with asking one child to wait alone in the dark at a spot like the top of Chester St.
I then thought about the phone call and thought surely I can't be the only responsible parent who cares enough about her daughter not to want her hanging about on lonely street corners in the dark.
So I posted this thread to ask what other Mums thought.
I wonder what parents of other children in the minibus feel - are their children also collected from similar locations?
It's odd no other parent has queried this - and I get the impression from the guy on the phone that they haven't - hence my asking other Mums on here.
I do not know who the other children are so I cannot ask their parents.
I do find it very strange though that as a caring parent who wouldn't let her child take the risk of being out there alone in the dark I have been criticised and called lazy and uncaring.
OK maybe my mistake was naming the youth club. I should perhaps have avoided that question.
I didn't start the thread in order to 'address' anything. I started the thread to ask if other Mums felt as protective as I do and wouldn't have agreed to their daughter standing there.
When people started accusing me of being too lazy to take her to the club myself then I felt the need to clarify a little more and the thread started to go in a slightly different direction.
I still don't see why I have been considered to be an irresponsible parent when I actually didn't send her off to stand out there because to me that was never an option.
I didn't start the thread in order to 'address' anything. I started the thread to ask if other Mums felt as protective as I do and wouldn't have agreed to their daughter standing there.
When people started accusing me of being too lazy to take her to the club myself then I felt the need to clarify a little more and the thread started to go in a slightly different direction.
I still don't see why I have been considered to be an irresponsible parent when I actually didn't send her off to stand out there because to me that was never an option.
Thank you Caspar.
P.S. You've now made it to the 100
P.S. You've now made it to the 100
WillowTheWhisp said:
Just meant addressed the situation correctly, not the thread .. course all of us mothers would feel the same way .. crikey, I would have definitely tried to sort out the pick-up point if I could have not got any of my kids/grandchild to their venue in safety, and worried all night 'til they arrived home safely.. as you do.
Just sad, isn't it that a child cannot go to a dark junction without us all worrying ? .. reflection on our society, however, when I was young, had many moments of flashers, men who followed me home .. chased me through the streets,etc., and I always tried to stick to the well-lit roads. Like you said before .. more publicilty. Consider the fact though, that stastics show that a child is in more danger of getting hurt in a motor accident, than walking to a venue and being accosted.