I was reading Lettie's Journal about her Mum's operation......and got to thinking how we take our parents for granted.
We think that they will always be there........perhaps the alternative is too dire to digest.
It is almost 4 years now since my Mum was diagnosed with a fairly rare gynaecological cancer.
I can remember the events as if they were yesterday.
I had been off work for a few days.......days off and a leave day, it was just about teatime and there was a knock at the door.
When I answered the door it was my Nurse Manager......who also happens to be a good friend.
Her face looked very grim.......I wondered what on earth was the matter......and in that split second I wondered if I had done something wrong and she was coming to break the news that i was suspended from duty.......although i hasten to add I could think of NO reason why that should happen......it DID go through my head.
She came into the house and said she had some bad news for me......She told me that Mum had been seen that afternoon in the Clinic and that the Consultant was fairly sure that she had cancer.
She told me that Mum was going to be admitted to the ward where I worked so that a biopsy could be taken.
I felt a huge mixture of emotions........I was in one sense, dismayed by the news, I was angry with Mum for not having even mentioned that she had a problem and was being seen........I was grateful that things were being done so quickly.......and finally relieved that it was nothing that I had done.
My Manager asked me if I wanted to take some leave while Mum was on the Ward.......I really didn't know what I wanted.
I told her that I needed time to gather my thoughts and to speak to my Mum.
I was due back to work the following day....I told her that I would be on duty as usual......she told me that I didn't need to if I felt some extra time off would help. NO, I needed to maintain some normality.
I phoned my Mum........I told her that I was disappointed that she couldn't confide in me.
She said she didn't want to be a nuisance and that she didn't want me to worry unnecessarily.
I asked her if she thought that I wouldn't find out that she had been to the clinic........
she told me that she hadn't really thought about it........I told her that I could have made the experience better for her.......speaking to the Consultant etc........
she told me that she didn't want to put me in that position.......
she said she thought it was too much to expect me to use my position as a Ward Sister to 'grease the wheels' as she put it.
She told me that the staff in the clinic had looked after her like she was their mother and that she had felt reassured that whatever was necessary, would be done.
The big 'C' word was not mentioned by either of us at this point.......but it was there, like an invisible barrier.
I went back to work the next day and the Consultant who was going to be looking after Mum sent for me.
I went down to his office, which is in the bowels of the hospital.
I sat down and he explained his findings at examination......he told me that he was almost 100% certain that Mum had a cancerous growth.
He told me that the next step would be to bring Mum in and do an examination under anaesthesia.......to take biopsies so that the diagnosis could be confirmed and the tumour staged.
I knew from what he had told me that operative removal of the tumour was impossible........or certainly very disfiguring.......
that left only two other forms of treatment as options......chemotherapy and radiotherapy.
I asked about what form of treatment would be offered and felt a bit stupid when he said it would depend very much on the biopsy results........
I apologised for asking such a stupid question, he shrugged off my apology and said it was OK.... he understood that it must have come as a bit of a shock.
I told him that Mum had not confided in me.... he grinned and told me that she had told him she would be in trouble when I found out........I told him, she was !
The date for operation was decided........
I took a day off, I felt it was best for both of us. I didn't want to embarass Mum by being involved in her care.... though she said she didn't mind. I wasn't sure if by being on duty I would be any use to any of the other patients either........although I have to say that when I put on my Uniform I could cope with most things......it was almost like I was a different person.......strange, how a uniform can be like armour.
On the day of the operation I tried to keep myself busy but found my mind wandering. In the end I had to go up to the Ward.
The operation had been done and Mum was back in her bed.......she looked relaxed and peaceful.
She later told me it was the best sleep she had had in ages.......she was not going to be allowed home for a few days.
I spoke with the Consultant and he told me it was as he suspected, but that we would wait until the biopsy results were back before we could proceed to any treatment.
........................................................................to be continued
We think that they will always be there........perhaps the alternative is too dire to digest.
It is almost 4 years now since my Mum was diagnosed with a fairly rare gynaecological cancer.
I can remember the events as if they were yesterday.
I had been off work for a few days.......days off and a leave day, it was just about teatime and there was a knock at the door.
When I answered the door it was my Nurse Manager......who also happens to be a good friend.
Her face looked very grim.......I wondered what on earth was the matter......and in that split second I wondered if I had done something wrong and she was coming to break the news that i was suspended from duty.......although i hasten to add I could think of NO reason why that should happen......it DID go through my head.
She came into the house and said she had some bad news for me......She told me that Mum had been seen that afternoon in the Clinic and that the Consultant was fairly sure that she had cancer.
She told me that Mum was going to be admitted to the ward where I worked so that a biopsy could be taken.
I felt a huge mixture of emotions........I was in one sense, dismayed by the news, I was angry with Mum for not having even mentioned that she had a problem and was being seen........I was grateful that things were being done so quickly.......and finally relieved that it was nothing that I had done.
My Manager asked me if I wanted to take some leave while Mum was on the Ward.......I really didn't know what I wanted.
I told her that I needed time to gather my thoughts and to speak to my Mum.
I was due back to work the following day....I told her that I would be on duty as usual......she told me that I didn't need to if I felt some extra time off would help. NO, I needed to maintain some normality.
I phoned my Mum........I told her that I was disappointed that she couldn't confide in me.
She said she didn't want to be a nuisance and that she didn't want me to worry unnecessarily.
I asked her if she thought that I wouldn't find out that she had been to the clinic........
she told me that she hadn't really thought about it........I told her that I could have made the experience better for her.......speaking to the Consultant etc........
she told me that she didn't want to put me in that position.......
she said she thought it was too much to expect me to use my position as a Ward Sister to 'grease the wheels' as she put it.
She told me that the staff in the clinic had looked after her like she was their mother and that she had felt reassured that whatever was necessary, would be done.
The big 'C' word was not mentioned by either of us at this point.......but it was there, like an invisible barrier.
I went back to work the next day and the Consultant who was going to be looking after Mum sent for me.
I went down to his office, which is in the bowels of the hospital.
I sat down and he explained his findings at examination......he told me that he was almost 100% certain that Mum had a cancerous growth.
He told me that the next step would be to bring Mum in and do an examination under anaesthesia.......to take biopsies so that the diagnosis could be confirmed and the tumour staged.
I knew from what he had told me that operative removal of the tumour was impossible........or certainly very disfiguring.......
that left only two other forms of treatment as options......chemotherapy and radiotherapy.
I asked about what form of treatment would be offered and felt a bit stupid when he said it would depend very much on the biopsy results........
I apologised for asking such a stupid question, he shrugged off my apology and said it was OK.... he understood that it must have come as a bit of a shock.
I told him that Mum had not confided in me.... he grinned and told me that she had told him she would be in trouble when I found out........I told him, she was !
The date for operation was decided........
I took a day off, I felt it was best for both of us. I didn't want to embarass Mum by being involved in her care.... though she said she didn't mind. I wasn't sure if by being on duty I would be any use to any of the other patients either........although I have to say that when I put on my Uniform I could cope with most things......it was almost like I was a different person.......strange, how a uniform can be like armour.
On the day of the operation I tried to keep myself busy but found my mind wandering. In the end I had to go up to the Ward.
The operation had been done and Mum was back in her bed.......she looked relaxed and peaceful.
She later told me it was the best sleep she had had in ages.......she was not going to be allowed home for a few days.
I spoke with the Consultant and he told me it was as he suspected, but that we would wait until the biopsy results were back before we could proceed to any treatment.
........................................................................to be continued
