Hiya,
Well here we are again, December, doesn't time fly ? It seems like only the other day since the last un. Already there's been mention of Crimbo shopping, Crimbo Do's & various other festive treats (or trials, I suppose it depends on your outlook really & already there's some early signs of Grinchism & Ebeneezeritis
).
While not wholly in the swing of things the tendrils of yuletide are sneakily taking hold of me subconsciously & quietly.
I find myself happily singing (I use that term very, very loosely) along to various Christmas ditties, admiring the colourful displays of lights & baubles already on show in some places to a more or lesser degree & ocassionally thinking maybe I should be doing some Christmas pressie buying. 
Being a bloke, the buying of gifts can be somewhat fraught with pitfalls as basically, we're crap at it ! Where as we're chuffed to bits with a new Black & decker or Metabo thingummy jigger, which we've wanted for ages (but won't actually use, it's just the principle of the thing
) Women for some reason don't seem to appreciate receiving say ..... a brand new Microwave or food processor ..... Can't understand that. Do you Girls realise the sacrifices we've had to make in getting you these things ? We had to ask someone Yeah, blokeys actually asking someone, who may just know something about these bits of kit. Problem is we ask other blokes, who then ask their Missus's or Girlfriends (in some cases maybe even both).
Now if that wasn't bad enough, we're confronted with the quandary of clothes. Blokes should never buy clothes for their other half it's right up there on a par with dangerous sports or alligator wrestling, you're pretty sure at some point you're going to end up getting wellied & you'll end up sharing lodgings with the hound (trust me on this one). Problem is Woman can appraise in a blink of an eye & pick out the right size, we on the other hand live in a rather hazy World were fantasy more than reality seems to rule. That slinky little black number & the glaring red lingereee, while great for Miss February, really doesn't sit right well with the Wifey, Oops (Move over Dog)
Again the size issue, while in our fantasy Dolly Parton or Raquel Welch doesn't fit the everyday reality & is usually greeted with disdain & that well turned phrase "So you think I'm some kind of Cow then do you ?" The wise move is not to answer & scarper, but being simple we respond, not our best trait. The other side of the coin, stuff being to small doesn't happen very often (see fantasy size issue ) but on those rare occasions when it does. Oh boy ! that's even worse than to big " So what are you trying to say ? I'm to fat ?" This lads, is a leading question & under pain of death (yours) & a swift kick to the Gentlemans veggie patch, should not, I repeat, not be answered ! 
Immediate withdrawal from the area & a pressing appointment somewhere/ anywhere is the only response.
So there you go Girls, some of the problems we face trying to find you that special something & if all else fails, well you'll probably end up with some windscreen wash, a new set of wiper blades for a Ford Ka & a bag of Krunchy M&M's (That's all that was left in the garage on Christmas eve). So to that end Ladies to avoid disappointment I suggest you start dropping some subtle hints as to what you'd like from your other half & if by the 15th the subtlety doesn't seem to have worked, a little note expressing your wishes should be left were it can easily be seen ........ usually with the benefit of being attached to a house brick, thrown at his head tends to grab the required attention.
Right then, I think I'll be scouring the shops next week to be on the safe side, I think there's a pretty good ocultist & esoteric shop down the road & they're bound to have some new spell books in, failing that the old cauldron's seen better days or even a new broomstick with real hazel bristles ............ Ah, decisions, decisions ! Happy Christmas shopping folks.
Thanks all for reading, take care & be safe on your way where 'er it goes .....
By the way for those who missed them last year, the Christmas parables trilogy are still available to read, should you be interested, enjoy & thanks.
Well here we are again, December, doesn't time fly ? It seems like only the other day since the last un. Already there's been mention of Crimbo shopping, Crimbo Do's & various other festive treats (or trials, I suppose it depends on your outlook really & already there's some early signs of Grinchism & Ebeneezeritis
).While not wholly in the swing of things the tendrils of yuletide are sneakily taking hold of me subconsciously & quietly.
I find myself happily singing (I use that term very, very loosely) along to various Christmas ditties, admiring the colourful displays of lights & baubles already on show in some places to a more or lesser degree & ocassionally thinking maybe I should be doing some Christmas pressie buying. Being a bloke, the buying of gifts can be somewhat fraught with pitfalls as basically, we're crap at it ! Where as we're chuffed to bits with a new Black & decker or Metabo thingummy jigger, which we've wanted for ages (but won't actually use, it's just the principle of the thing
) Women for some reason don't seem to appreciate receiving say ..... a brand new Microwave or food processor ..... Can't understand that. Do you Girls realise the sacrifices we've had to make in getting you these things ? We had to ask someone Yeah, blokeys actually asking someone, who may just know something about these bits of kit. Problem is we ask other blokes, who then ask their Missus's or Girlfriends (in some cases maybe even both).Now if that wasn't bad enough, we're confronted with the quandary of clothes. Blokes should never buy clothes for their other half it's right up there on a par with dangerous sports or alligator wrestling, you're pretty sure at some point you're going to end up getting wellied & you'll end up sharing lodgings with the hound (trust me on this one)
. Problem is Woman can appraise in a blink of an eye & pick out the right size, we on the other hand live in a rather hazy World were fantasy more than reality seems to rule. That slinky little black number & the glaring red lingereee, while great for Miss February, really doesn't sit right well with the Wifey, Oops (Move over Dog)Again the size issue, while in our fantasy Dolly Parton or Raquel Welch doesn't fit the everyday reality & is usually greeted with disdain & that well turned phrase "So you think I'm some kind of Cow then do you ?" The wise move is not to answer & scarper, but being simple we respond, not our best trait.
The other side of the coin, stuff being to small doesn't happen very often (see fantasy size issue ) but on those rare occasions when it does. Oh boy ! that's even worse than to big " So what are you trying to say ? I'm to fat ?" This lads, is a leading question & under pain of death (yours) & a swift kick to the Gentlemans veggie patch, should not, I repeat, not be answered ! Immediate withdrawal from the area & a pressing appointment somewhere/ anywhere is the only response. So there you go Girls, some of the problems we face trying to find you that special something & if all else fails, well you'll probably end up with some windscreen wash, a new set of wiper blades for a Ford Ka & a bag of Krunchy M&M's (That's all that was left in the garage on Christmas eve). So to that end Ladies to avoid disappointment I suggest you start dropping some subtle hints as to what you'd like from your other half & if by the 15th the subtlety doesn't seem to have worked, a little note expressing your wishes should be left were it can easily be seen ........ usually with the benefit of being attached to a house brick, thrown at his head tends to grab the required attention.
Right then, I think I'll be scouring the shops next week to be on the safe side, I think there's a pretty good ocultist & esoteric shop down the road & they're bound to have some new spell books in, failing that the old cauldron's seen better days or even a new broomstick with real hazel bristles ............ Ah, decisions, decisions ! Happy Christmas shopping folks.
Thanks all for reading, take care & be safe on your way where 'er it goes .....
By the way for those who missed them last year, the Christmas parables trilogy are still available to read, should you be interested, enjoy & thanks.
