His Ashes

D

dotti34

Nori Brick
Tackler
The other day I collected his ashes. These are all that remains of the physical part of my Accrington lad. I had left the choice of the urn to one of my sons and he has done his father proud. It is a rich blue with a couple of gold bands on it.

My oldest son and daughter-in-law went with me to collect the urn as I wasn’t sure how I would feel – it could have been very emotional for me. It could have been emotional for them also. They took me to lunch first and we ate at a sidewalk café, sitting in the sun. Lovely. We talked about a lot of things and eventually decided we were ‘ready’.

We went to the funeral chapel and there the very caring lady who had looked after us so well at the funeral handed me this beautiful urn that immediately gave me peace of mind, knowing that we had done our best by him and had carried out his wishes to the fullest. It did not feel morbid at all but instead gave off a great comforting feeling. I now have the urn in a room that I sometimes go into for a quiet read. I feel good knowing that his remains are not in some dark and dismal place. He might not know this but I do. It is a beautiful ornament. It will not become a shrine.

I might have previously mentioned that eventually when it’s my turn (though of course I hope that’s a way off yet) my ashes will be mingled with his and we will be scattered on my daughter and son-in-law’s property which Keith called The Ponderosa, and which is in the beautiful Clare Valley. He loved it there.

Thank you for letting me share his journey with you. My sincere condolences to any of you who are treading the same path.
 
Thank you Dorothy for sharing this special (and emotional) time with us.
Such topics are still not spoken of very much.
The time after a personal loss is bewildering, unsettling and quite scary....even to the most well balanced and rational folk.
Telling others about your experiences has at least two benefits.
It allows you to put your thoughts into words....and seeing them in print means they don't keep rattling round your brain...and for us who read them, it helps US to get our thoughts on the subject into some sort of order.

Or at least, that is how I see it.
It is a path we will all walk down at some point in our lives...having the candle of experience....even someone else's might just make the road a little easier.
 
"The time after a personal loss is bewildering, unsettling and quite scary..."[/I] Believe me. it is all the above & then some! There is also the guilt, hurt, anger & emotional swings from functioning & thinking you've got things under control & can face what comes day for day, but for no apparent reason you are overwhelmed with grief & the tears come regardless.

I would say that a bereavement caused by the loss of a loved one, is, the most debilitating & traumatic experience each & all of us will face in our lifetime. No matter your strength or preparedness, the feeling of utter desolation & sorrow are beyond the comprehension of those who've not experienced the loss themselves.
 
Thank you both so much for your very understanding comments. Talking (and writing) about losing someone definitely does help.
 
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