Well, all over bar the leftovers !
What a run around for a single day eh ? For those better prepared I assume today was the finishing touches, but for my disorganised self it was last minute.com AGAIN. Must admit the Witch was better prepared she'd been hubbling & bubbling, toiling & troubling way back in the mists of time (well ok November) making a Christmas cake. She also did all todays burning, as the plant machinery out back is beyond my ken & understanding (it didn't have things for me to set fire to for a start). I was on occasion allowed entry to the kitchen to bring something or other or to make a suggestion which was promptly ignored
Probably the right course of action as cooking IN Beer hasn't really caught on, strange that ! 
The Grimlin on the other hand, hairy assistant numero uno, could come & go as she pleased but with a tendency more to going leaving me ... alone ... to amuse myself ! So I phoned around a bit spreading Christmas cheer & festive joy. I even spoke to Shrek, who for some reason found himself in the same circumstances as Icky boy here (now it's either a conspiracy are you taking note Marge R, or our Wifeys quite rightly prefer a semblance of order in their domestic Empires & for their cooking implements to remain undamaged as opposed to kitchen Chaos & bent & broken appliances. Added to that the finding of somewhere open that delivers on Christmas day is fairly hard)
Anyway, after turning the Cauldron down from 220C (gas mark 7 Hot) to a more subtle 150c (gas mark 2 moderate) contents were then left to fester .... Er ... Simmer, yeah, simmer (See, I know the terminology
Just the practical is a bit iffy) I was summoned & allowed to stuff an apple up a Birds bottom ..... don't knock it until you've tried it 
This to maintain the moisture in said Bird, as I really didn't want soggy stuffing & stuffing in a Bird usually ends up a pretty squishy affair. Instead aforementioned stuffing was made into savoury balls of a suitable size for placing in the mouth whole if so desired. 
I was then banished again to further amuse myself, alone, as the Grimlin was now totally uninterested in me as I had nowt edible & I wasn't even close to the Turkey.
Having said that, this years Turkey was picked up by Wifey so the mungousness of the roast beast were kept within proportion of numbers to be scoffing. I touched on this phenomenon in "Festive reflections", blokes-size-etc, so this year we won't have to be thinking up new & exciting ways to liven up cold Turkey for more than maybe tomorrow, bit of a novelty that ! Eventually I was called & allowed to take my place at t'table & proceed with the carving ritual, Ah ! Mutilation in miniature ! No matter how sharp the knife or how skilfully the efforts to separate legs & wings from the body it always resembles road kill there's bits all over the shop ! (Admittedly cooked road kill, but road kill non the less 
) I even reckon your top surgeons struggle on this one too.
So, after taking far more than's required,(Puppy Dog syndrome here) but it is Christmas after all, so sloth & gluttony are practically encouraged, we reach the "after dinner mint" point (See Monty Python
). So we wisely avoided Christmas Pud, we'll probably do that this evening because it'll seem like a good idea at the time ! With the Leftovers the Grimlin got her Crimbo dins & we plated a goodly portion for the old Fella who lives by himself below us (No he's not chained up in the cellar, the flat below us) & I didn't even charge him ! See, see what Christmas does to you, makes you go all nice & caring, I even did the pots ! 
The sooner I get back to being Grinch like the better.
So instead of the Pud we had some Coffee (proper out the machine stuff) & a smallish piece of "The Cake". Now this thing has been living a life of its own quite quietly in the back room for the last couple of months, seething in its own juices, with gentle infusions of Brandies & Rums every couple or 3 days. So instead of stating it's age or fruit content an ABV would be more appropriate, lets say, should you be stopped by Plod after consuming, you'd probably be breathalysed,
then re-breathalysed then sarcastically asked "Is Sir sure he hasn't been Drinking ?" (beaten up & thrown in a cell are also alleged options, so don't eat this cake & drive right !) but as I have no intention of driving anywhere, I'm going to be that Fat kid again, or if not him at least his equally Fat mate.
Well Folks that about sums up my Christmas, I do hope you've all had just as good as, if not a better time of your own Yuletides amongst family & friends, Police cells (should've stayed off the cake) or wherever you've found yourselves at this Christmastide. It only remains for me to say (For the final time this Year) Merry Christmas one & all, may you prosper in 2011 & that it bring you all you deserve, stay hale, hearty & well.
So until next time folks, take care, keep safe & thanks for reading .....
PS : The Pics - Grimlin Sentinel of the Carcass & "The Cake" with infusion ingredients & infuser.
What a run around for a single day eh ? For those better prepared I assume today was the finishing touches, but for my disorganised self it was last minute.com AGAIN. Must admit the Witch was better prepared she'd been hubbling & bubbling, toiling & troubling way back in the mists of time (well ok November) making a Christmas cake. She also did all todays burning, as the plant machinery out back is beyond my ken & understanding (it didn't have things for me to set fire to for a start). I was on occasion allowed entry to the kitchen to bring something or other or to make a suggestion which was promptly ignored
Probably the right course of action as cooking IN Beer hasn't really caught on, strange that ! The Grimlin on the other hand, hairy assistant numero uno, could come & go as she pleased but with a tendency more to going leaving me ... alone ... to amuse myself ! So I phoned around a bit spreading Christmas cheer & festive joy. I even spoke to Shrek, who for some reason found himself in the same circumstances as Icky boy here (now it's either a conspiracy are you taking note Marge R, or our Wifeys quite rightly prefer a semblance of order in their domestic Empires & for their cooking implements to remain undamaged as opposed to kitchen Chaos & bent & broken appliances. Added to that the finding of somewhere open that delivers on Christmas day is fairly hard
)Anyway, after turning the Cauldron down from 220C (gas mark 7 Hot) to a more subtle 150c (gas mark 2 moderate) contents were then left to fester .... Er ... Simmer, yeah, simmer (See, I know the terminology
Just the practical is a bit iffy) I was summoned & allowed to stuff an apple up a Birds bottom ..... don't knock it until you've tried it This to maintain the moisture in said Bird, as I really didn't want soggy stuffing & stuffing in a Bird usually ends up a pretty squishy affair. Instead aforementioned stuffing was made into savoury balls of a suitable size for placing in the mouth whole if so desired. I was then banished again to further amuse myself, alone, as the Grimlin was now totally uninterested in me as I had nowt edible & I wasn't even close to the Turkey. Having said that, this years Turkey was picked up by Wifey so the mungousness of the roast beast were kept within proportion of numbers to be scoffing. I touched on this phenomenon in "Festive reflections", blokes-size-etc, so this year we won't have to be thinking up new & exciting ways to liven up cold Turkey for more than maybe tomorrow, bit of a novelty that !
Eventually I was called & allowed to take my place at t'table & proceed with the carving ritual, Ah ! Mutilation in miniature ! No matter how sharp the knife or how skilfully the efforts to separate legs & wings from the body it always resembles road kill there's bits all over the shop ! (Admittedly cooked road kill, but road kill non the less ) I even reckon your top surgeons struggle on this one too.So, after taking far more than's required,(Puppy Dog syndrome here) but it is Christmas after all, so sloth & gluttony are practically encouraged, we reach the "after dinner mint" point (See Monty Python
). So we wisely avoided Christmas Pud, we'll probably do that this evening because it'll seem like a good idea at the time ! With the Leftovers the Grimlin got her Crimbo dins & we plated a goodly portion for the old Fella who lives by himself below us (No he's not chained up in the cellar, the flat below us) & I didn't even charge him ! See, see what Christmas does to you, makes you go all nice & caring, I even did the pots ! The sooner I get back to being Grinch like the better.So instead of the Pud we had some Coffee (proper out the machine stuff) & a smallish piece of "The Cake". Now this thing has been living a life of its own quite quietly in the back room for the last couple of months, seething in its own juices, with gentle infusions of Brandies & Rums every couple or 3 days. So instead of stating it's age or fruit content an ABV would be more appropriate, lets say, should you be stopped by Plod after consuming, you'd probably be breathalysed,
then re-breathalysed then sarcastically asked "Is Sir sure he hasn't been Drinking ?" (beaten up & thrown in a cell are also alleged options, so don't eat this cake & drive right !) but as I have no intention of driving anywhere, I'm going to be that Fat kid again, or if not him at least his equally Fat mate.Well Folks that about sums up my Christmas, I do hope you've all had just as good as, if not a better time of your own Yuletides amongst family & friends, Police cells
(should've stayed off the cake) or wherever you've found yourselves at this Christmastide. It only remains for me to say (For the final time this Year) Merry Christmas one & all, may you prosper in 2011 & that it bring you all you deserve, stay hale, hearty & well.So until next time folks, take care, keep safe & thanks for reading .....
PS : The Pics - Grimlin Sentinel of the Carcass & "The Cake" with infusion ingredients & infuser.
