Rubbish !

Just came accross this one from a Mr. Barry Beezelbud (pen name I assume):

Its reall funny (or so I think!)


THE DEVILS ADVOCATE (with apologies)

MUCH CONSTERNATION at Beezelbub Mansions. Those jobsworths on the local council have suddenly issued us with a green wheelie bin and simultaneously informed us that, in future, our black bin will only be emptied once a fortnight. They've got to be joking, right?

The first problem is finding space for the two big bins along with an existing recycling box. It's not an issue for me, of course. We can soon convert one of the empty kennels into a bin store, but how are poor people who live in terraced houses or flats supposed to manage? Have a spare teenager press-ganged into the navy? Sell a superfluous baby?

And then there's the rate at which we produce household waste. Our bin was emptied on Friday morning.

It's now Tuesday evening and it's already almost full. I wouldn't mind but we were away for the weekend.

We already do our bit for recycling. Every bottle, of which there are many, is recycled. Every newspaper, of which there are also many, is also recycled.

The council won't let us put organic waste like vegetable peelings into the green bin and they seem unable to recycle plastic bottles, so what is a man to do?

I'd have Whittaker (the man servant) wash out the things (amazingly a bargain £5 at Tesco) but they won't collect them. (With redundancy imminent, he's already collecting all the little bits of soap left in the 14 bathrooms, melting them down and making new bars out of them that he then sells at the farmers' market on Wednesday mornings. ) I'd bring home less packaging, but the girls in Waitrose get snotty if you tear the cellophane off the avocados before taking them to the till. The Oxfam lady already collects our old jumpers and sends them off to hungry kids in Equatorial Africa.

(Quite why, I don't know. The last thing you want in a drought-ridden desert is a Fair Isle sleeveless cardigan.) One thing they will allow in the green bin is "unwaxed cardboard".

What on earth is unwaxed cardboard? Mrs Beelzebub and myself spent fully 40 minutes the other night discussing the waxalicious attributes of an empty cereal box. I thought it was unwaxed; she begged to differ. In the end we threw it on a bonfire with all the other cardboard in the bin.

You could see the thick black smoke for miles.

I know where this will end. By Saturday morning I'll be loading up the excess black bags into the boot of the five-litre Range Rover and driving them the seven miles to the council tip - at a climate-threatening 17 miles to the gallon, and while pumping out enough carbon monoxide to bring on asthma attacks in several small children.

Just don't blame me when Norwich disappears under the sea and Hurricane Angus devastates Glasgow.

SO YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONES WITH A PROBLEM!!!
 
WillowTheWhisp said:
It sounds very much like John Waterhouse. :)
Click to expand...

It does sound like him of old. But this one's from the West Country!!

He does a weekly article, all very, very, funny (or I think so)
 
Dont Tell Me About Hbc.they Have Left My Bin A Few Times The Rubbish Just Piled Up So I Rang Up To Complane And They Said Yes U Guessed Ur Bin Wasnt Prosioned Propley So I Sai D Oh Yes It Was And If Sumone Dosnt Cum Out Dam Soon I Will Tip All My Rubbish [[[[[[[[dirty Nappies ....... Used Towels And Any Other Revolting Things U Can Think Of ]]]]]]] She Said Oh U Cant Do That So I Said Watch This Space If No One Cums Im Also Going To The Papers Guess What They Emteyed It The Same Day And I Never Even Rearanged My Bin Lol.oh And I Will Just Say One More Thing They Say Present Ur Bin Propely But When They Do Emty Then They Just Leave All The Bins All Over The Place Why Cant They Put Them Back Where They Found Them .its One Law 4 Us And Another 4 Them ....rite I Can Take A Breath Now Lol Annee
 
I have a suggestion. Why not scrap the recycling scheme for residents, transport the waste to Whinney Hill and there young offenders working their community service can sort the rubbish out for us!!
 
At the risk of making you all want to scream yourselves sick and bang your heads repeatedly on sharp corners, I came across this the other day:


" In 1914, the mileage was 44, (miles of streets) and the number of men carrying out the work of street cleansing was 26, including a foreman. Although more than 12 miles have been added to the area...since 1914, the number of hands remains the same....
...Our main shopping thoroughfares are swept daily, five miles of main roadways are swept three times weekly, whilst the remainder are attended to not less than once weekly, principally by hand sweeping."

So that is 26 blokes cleaning every street in the borough at least once a week - SWEEPING BY HAND!

"Street sweepings are mixed with manure from the public abbatoirs, certain market refuse and with fine dust screened from household refuse, the resultant compound producing a manure which commands a ready sale amongst farmers and others within a radius of five miles..."

In 1900 a destructor works was installed at the end of Argyll Street on the site where Pilkington Buses now have their depot.

"It may also be of interest to learn to what extent various forms of salvage and the utilisation of the residuals are carried out by the department:
Fish Meal £1,220 16s 6d
Baled Scrap Tins £288 11s 8d
Baled Waste Paper £232 2s 1d
Tar Macadam ££107 7s 10d
Baled Bagging, Carpets and Rugs £49 16s 8d
Street Sweepings £46 5s 10d"
And so on for Light Scrap Iron, Rags, Cast Scrap Iron, Scrap Lead, Glass, Fat, String, Bones, Scrap Brass, Hair, Mortar, Clinker. In addition to all this, the destructor furnaces were connected to the Electricity Company, who contributed £800 to the total realised from this primitive form of recycling of £4,921 13s 6d. for the year ending Dec 31 1927. Which was used to relieve the Rate.

This is from the Borough Jubilee Booklet published in 1928.

This is what it used to be like, when Councillors and Council Officers knew what they were doing and ran the town for the benefit of it's residents instead of the benefit of it's parasites.
 
I'm past screaming about the filth and the council's attitude towards it these days.:rolleyes:

I remember my Dad saying that when they had pet rabbits or anything which died they took them to "the destructors" for incinerating. That was the place at the end of Argyle St.

I wonder how many street cleaners/refuse collectors are employed these days?

Has anyone ever seen the grates being cleaned out lately? It used to be a regular occurance when I was a child but I haven't seen one for years.:(
 
Ah! the destructor, or dizzy as it was locally known. A great play area ( after work hours of course! ) and very useful if you needed a replacement knob for your gas cooker. We had a drawer full of `em
 
And now the problem raises its ugly head with myself.................

I have 4 people in my household and 1 wheelie bin , then theresa the recycling bit this would be ideal if the recycling wagan fit down our ave. after six weeks of a full blue box we rang the council only to be told to throw it in our rubbish as the wagan cannot fit down the street. GOOD EHH!!!

Now we have a fornightley wheeley bin collection wich i have been told not to recycle so I rang for an extra bin NO CHANCE as this would meen that Britcliffe would loose some of the vast amount of money he can claim. So I offered to buy an extra bin from the council again NO POINT as the bin men would only collect the 1 they are contracted for at wich point I am told that if I leave any black bin bags outside i will be fined £50.00 (cheaper to buy a bin me thinx.) Not to be dismayed I then ask for permission to use the tip in my minibus and yet again NO NO NO !!!

THE OVERALL ANSWER IS PAY YOUR MONEY AND GET F**KALL FOR IT
 
I'd love to know exactly what they expect you to do with your rubbish - I know what you'd probably like to do with it.
 
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