When all this is over I have a feelinfg that there will be a lot of work for midwives come the end of December and the beginning of the new year..
I am sure that there will be those out there...the young and vigorous, who have entertained themselves doing the horizontal Rumba...and it is a pound to a penny that there will have been spontaneous bedroom olympics that have far reaching consequences...after all a baby is not just for Christmas..it is for life.
I am guessing that in the next couple of months the sale of pregnancy tests will zoom...and the price of prams will go up.
If I look into my crystal ball a bit further.....I can see a glut of work for divoce lawyers too....and the sale of houses as community property.
It really is something of a trial to be cooped up with your other half for 24/7 over months(which is what this lockdown is looking like right now)
Habits that you once saw as being cute...or enchanting..or even charming begin to pale when you have to endure them every day.
Seeing you other half sat on the sofa watching some program on the back of his eyelids while subjecting you to the torture of another toxic episode of Judge Judy...or a boring episode of 'Shed and Buried'(that he has arleady watched a dozen or more times) becomes a good reason to consider homicide.
(and, believe me, I have)
Something that would have seemed like paradise(being locked up with someone you fancy) at 20 or 21 when you were in that rosy flush of romance tends to pall when you have been together for a decade(or even decades).
Even the most innocuous things become irritants....himself said to me yesterday
'you look beautiful, have you changed your hair or something?
(is he being sarky...or just 'fly'....I looked in the mirror and I definitely look like a badly shorn sheep....a busted mattress....definitely not attractive. Not even by braille)
I looked at him like he was ever so slightly mad(I am very poor at accepting compliments) and said 'If that is an overture for bedroom antics...you can forget it.
A) it's the middle of the day.
B) the bed's not made.
C) I am past all that hutching and thrutching and a cup of tea excites me more'
He keeps coming out with phrases that I think he might have picked up in some scuzzy newspaper article(well, except he seems only to read the sports pages).
I told him all his compliments feel a bit like 'de-ja-poo'...another day but same bullsh*t.
I have never been one to gracefully accept compliments...I always wonder what ulterior motive is behind them....I know, I know...I am a cynical old baggage.
But is years of life experience that has made me this way.
There may be a lot of work for the criminal justice system too...not burglary, but GBH, ABH and possibly murder......and a resulting increase in the prison population.....though I think that when some of the evidence is presented, the judge will award the plaintiff a medal for their patience.
It does not take the brain of a scientist or a mensa genius to see these consequences...and there is going to be a banquet of them....with wine and dessert to follow.
I am sure that there will be those out there...the young and vigorous, who have entertained themselves doing the horizontal Rumba...and it is a pound to a penny that there will have been spontaneous bedroom olympics that have far reaching consequences...after all a baby is not just for Christmas..it is for life.
I am guessing that in the next couple of months the sale of pregnancy tests will zoom...and the price of prams will go up.
If I look into my crystal ball a bit further.....I can see a glut of work for divoce lawyers too....and the sale of houses as community property.
It really is something of a trial to be cooped up with your other half for 24/7 over months(which is what this lockdown is looking like right now)
Habits that you once saw as being cute...or enchanting..or even charming begin to pale when you have to endure them every day.
Seeing you other half sat on the sofa watching some program on the back of his eyelids while subjecting you to the torture of another toxic episode of Judge Judy...or a boring episode of 'Shed and Buried'(that he has arleady watched a dozen or more times) becomes a good reason to consider homicide.
(and, believe me, I have)
Something that would have seemed like paradise(being locked up with someone you fancy) at 20 or 21 when you were in that rosy flush of romance tends to pall when you have been together for a decade(or even decades).
Even the most innocuous things become irritants....himself said to me yesterday
'you look beautiful, have you changed your hair or something?
(is he being sarky...or just 'fly'....I looked in the mirror and I definitely look like a badly shorn sheep....a busted mattress....definitely not attractive. Not even by braille)
I looked at him like he was ever so slightly mad(I am very poor at accepting compliments) and said 'If that is an overture for bedroom antics...you can forget it.
A) it's the middle of the day.
B) the bed's not made.
C) I am past all that hutching and thrutching and a cup of tea excites me more'
He keeps coming out with phrases that I think he might have picked up in some scuzzy newspaper article(well, except he seems only to read the sports pages).
I told him all his compliments feel a bit like 'de-ja-poo'...another day but same bullsh*t.
I have never been one to gracefully accept compliments...I always wonder what ulterior motive is behind them....I know, I know...I am a cynical old baggage.
But is years of life experience that has made me this way.
There may be a lot of work for the criminal justice system too...not burglary, but GBH, ABH and possibly murder......and a resulting increase in the prison population.....though I think that when some of the evidence is presented, the judge will award the plaintiff a medal for their patience.
It does not take the brain of a scientist or a mensa genius to see these consequences...and there is going to be a banquet of them....with wine and dessert to follow.